What really attracted me to read “Wavering convictions” by Erin Dutton is the surprising  and perplexing subject of the story, not necessarily the first impressions, as they could be subjective in a matter like this one.

It would be normal for the two main characters to behave strange, unadapted and weird, yet I expected them to passionately fall in love, like fireworks and then suddenly the knowledge of each other to break them up and they would have to adapt, compromise and fight with themselves and each other to see if they are capable to love one another.

I would say that “Wavering convictions” by Erin Dutton is a dramatic lesbian romance involving Maggie and Ally who feel the mutual attraction towards each other, but can’t act on it as they are faced with the cutting truth: Maggie is the robbery victim of Ally’s brother. 

The circumstances they met are totally unwanted and impossible for a romance: Maggie has to face Ally’s brother in the courtroom, while Ally has come to support him. They met in the court room’s cafeteria, when Ally invites Maggie to sit next to her, as she saw this was the only spare seat left in the room. Maggie is reluctant but accepts Ally’s offer having no other choice.

Maggie’s behavior is totally normal for a robbery victim. She doesn’t trust anyone anymore, like she used to, after the horrible experience. She can’t trust nor adapt to anyone, even though she feels the attraction towards Ally.

Ally is bewildered, because she doesn’t understand Maggie’s strange and reluctant behavior. She sadly discovers the root cause of Maggie’s reluctance, when she finds out Maggie is her brother’s victim. 

And then, everything falls into pieces, before it even begun.

Maggie Davidson is an office clerk and a confident woman, who is satisfied with her life as it is. She misses a real romance, but she doesn’t complaint. 

She usually parks her car in the safe parking garage close to her office building, for a monthly fee. One evening she stays late and when she wants to get to her car and head home, she finds herself face to face with a masked robber , who eventually points a gun towards her. He steals her purse and her phone and flees. She is shock and a passing by woman helps her by calling the police, she didn’t need an ambulance as he didn’t hurt her.

After some weeks while she was struggling to get her life back on track and physically and psychologically recover, the police called and informed her she had to het to the courtroom and accuse her attacker, as this is the only way to convict him. She has a strong will and she is willing to do this, as another step in her healing process and because she didn’t want other women or people to get through what she has just been through. She knows she can’t trust none for now and her reluctance is visible, yet she never expected someone like Ally coming her way so soon. And she never expects the butterflies in her stomach towards the beautiful woman in the cafeteria that offered her a seat. She knew this wasn’t the time nor the place for this, yet she couldn’t help it. But, the butterflies faded suddenly away when she finds out Ally is her attacker’s sister and she was at the courtroom to support her attacker.

Ally Becker has always been close to her family and has always put her mother’s and brother’s needs on top of her own. Her mother always loved her brother Carey more and considered that Ally had to take care of him, as he was a drug addict and even stole money from them to buy drugs. It is a dysfunctional family and Ally’s character is somehow built as a victim, too, her family’s victim and her own self’s victim, as she is trapped within duty and guilt towards her brother. She is focused on her carpentry business which is flourishing, she has a nice home and an unfinished garden.

I don’t think Ally is dull nor boring, I think she hasn’t met the right person yet to save her from herself and from her guilt towards her family. Since childhood, her mother raised her to be her brother’s shoulder to cry on and this hasn’t changed during their adulthood, and this is quite sad, because Ally can’t really have a life of her own with this burden always on her back and with her mother’s lack of love or confidence for her.

When she meets Maggie, totally unexpected, she feels emotions she has never felt, it was like an awakening for Ally and despite Maggie’s weird behavior, she wants to know more about Maggie and tries to do that, but she is helpless  towards the cutting truth of who Maggie is, her brother’s robbery victim. In the courtroom she has to support her brother, when she knows Maggie is the real victim here. And everything falls into pieces. 

The storyline flows slowly, as they both need to heal. 

I felt though they should have fallen in love passionately without knowing who they are and then, when they have found out, everything would fall into pieces. But, the author took another turn of the story, meaning Maggie and Ally should go through the drama together and fall in love knowing who they are. It’s realistic, believable and it made the story more credible.

It’s a drama, not just a romance, both characters have to evolve together through this and they take it slowly, they help each other, especially Ally, tries her best to support and help Maggie, perhaps feeling guilty of what her brother has done, but also because she has feelings for Maggie and cares deeply for her and wants her to be healed, strong and confident, as she imagined her before the terrible deed. Ally is older and she always feels the need to protect Maggie. 

Maggie feels Ally is full of guilt for everyone in her life, including her and wants to change that, she wants them to be friends as much as they can and wants Ally to see who she really can be, closest to the person she used to be before Casey’s attack.

 I enjoyed very much how their love story went on, despite everything and how they’ve coped with each other, everything came natural, nothing forced, their feelings for each other grew more and more, even though especially Maggie tried to surprise them, she wasn’t able to, because she saw Ally for whom she really was: the beautiful, tender, amazing woman she fell for.

I paid more attention to Maggie, because she was the victim and needed healing  and I wondered who she would adapt to Ally. I was surprised with every gesture, how all the love and tenderness came with time and much care.

Not many of us can walk in Maggie’s or Ally’s shoes and this is the real battle of comprehension in this story, it is so different than any other of the genre.

I loved the book.

I totally recommend it.

Excerpts from the book: