Ink marks on empty dreams

Entangled by Maria V. Ciletti

„Entangled” by Maria V. Ciletti is not just a coming out of the closet novel for an almost 18 years old graduate in love with her former teacher, but it has a certain profoundness of inter-human relationships, I mean treason : how a woman that supposed to have loved another woman harms her by risking her job as a teacher, patience : on how a young girl develops into a young woman, yet her feelings still persist, judgemental : on how some Christian small groups treat homosexuality, mainly lesbianism.

Hayden Crissman is the almost 18 years old graduate who is eager to find a purpose in life after highschool, as for the summer she leaves her native town for Eerie to work in a fast food with her best friend, Cali. Apparently, accidentally, she and Cali drop down at the Zone, the local gay bar, yet Cali is there for a purpose and Hayden surprisingly sees there Miss Spencer, her former teacher, who looks pretty bad, disappointed and hopeless. Hayden is secretly in love with Abbey Spencer and saves her from embarrassing situations quite often lately. She sees Miss Spencer often now as Cali wants to go more often at the Zone to see Joey, who happens to be another woman.

„Dear Diary,

I had the dream again: The dream where Miss Spencer and I are walking on a beach and the sun is setting. The sky is ruby red, and I can feel the warm breeze on my skin. We walk out on a sandbar, and Miss Spencer reaches over and takes my hand. She turns toward me and looks into my eyes, then she leans in and kisses me. The kiss is soft and sweet, and I don’t want her to stop…and then I wake up. Why would I be having these dreams, dear diary? Does this mean I’m a lesbian? I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be a freak.”

„The dream about Miss Spencer disturbed her because it aroused feelings in her she didn’t understand. Why wasn’t she like all the other girls in her class who were boy crazy? Was it just general admiration or a schoolgirl crush that she felt? Wasn’t she too old for that? And anyway, why Miss Spencer? If she was going to have a crush on a teacher, wouldn’t it be on Mr. Gennero? All the girls, including her best friend, Calli Karra, drooled over Mr. Gennero. His dark Italian looks set many a schoolgirl’s heart aflame. But not Hayden’s. She had other feelings—feelings she thought separated her from everyone else—and those feelings were so frustrating that they kept her up some nights.

Although Hayden was shy, especially around boys, she did date boys. Well, a boy, if you count going to the spring formal with Jimmy Robson. The date ended badly when she pulled away from him as he tried to kiss her in the backseat of his dad’s Chevy Suburban. What was she supposed to do? His dad was right there in the front seat. It’s not that she didn’t like boys. They could be a lot of fun, like her friends Nick and Don. Nick, who sat in front of her in history class, could make her laugh until tears ran down her cheeks. Don was her lab partner in biology who would sneak in Payday candy bars and share with her. ”

Abbey Spencer is one of the few lay teachers at St. Mary’s and Spencer played a big part in Hayden’s decision to go to college. Miss Spencer’s upbeat personality and positive outlook made her one of the most well-liked teachers at St. Mary’s. She likes Hayden and finds her very special and quite an adult in comparison to her classmates, yet she never considers a relationship or even a fling with her.

Abbey is in a relationship with one of her former teachers, Ann White who lives in Eerie and now their liason somehow is shattered by Abbey’s decision to go teach at St. Mary’s and move into another town. Their love has beauty in it, a student fascinated by her teacher falls for her and vice-versa, yet now after few years, even though Abbey’s love hasn’t perished and she found Ann kissing the Dean of her University during Christmas, she can’t let Ann go, as she is her first love. Yet, Ann behaves amazingly cruel this time, Abbey overhears a discussion between Ann and her new lover, Jackson Price, saying that Abbey was just a fling and she will end the relationship tonight and she actually does, by telling Abbey that her feelings have changed and she isn’t gay anymore (bunch of crap), she wants to experiment her relationship with a man, but she is actually using Jackson for a better position at the University which is lame and makes her the villain of the book. Abbey finds herself in a pretty difficult situation as she loses Ann (actually Anne is losing Abbey) and her home as she was living in Ann’s house and now Ann practically throws her out and Abbey lives at the Holliday Inn. She takes it pretty bad and drinks a lot, while her former student, Hayden keeps saving her from embarrassing situations as being seen drunk around Eerie or getting arrested in the park. She remembered Hayden’s look at her, it was the same as she was looking at Ann, full of love, admiration and fascinating, alluring desire. She was so lost in her own pain and disappointment that she let Hayden kiss her and take care of her adn she just loved it.

„Miss Spencer had honey golden hair, which was pulled back into a neat ponytail, and a killer smile that made Hayden’s knees weak. She looked down at her shoes, finding it difficult to make eye contact with the attractive teacher. She should ask Miss Spencer if she needed help carrying her stuff, but Hayden was so tongue-tied, she could barely speak.

“Great. Well, have a nice summer. And best of luck to you at Mercyhurst. It’s a great school. I know you’ll do well there.” Miss Spencer smiled, and Hayden’s heart skipped a beat. The card, give her the card echoed in her mind. Hayden’s face flushed as she remembered her dream.

“Abbey Spencer graduated two years earlier from Mercyhurst College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in secondary education. The oldest of four daughters, she was the first girl from her Irish Catholic family to attend college. Abbey studied hard and fought for every A and B she got. In high school, she had developed a love for literature, and more than anything, she wanted to become an author someday. Her common sense told her she would need a backup plan because it was difficult to make a living as a writer. After all, she was no Stephen King. So she majored in secondary education.

During her freshman year, she met Ann White. Ann was an intelligent and charismatic woman. The moment Abbey laid eyes on her, she knew Ann was the one. The only problem was that Ann was her English professor.

Abbey’s heart would flutter every time she saw Ann standing at the lectern in her tight tweed skirt, matching jacket, and black pumps. Abbey was mesmerized as Ann strolled up and down the aisle, lecturing on Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina.

Ann White was well known for her tough teaching techniques and athletic ability—she had run the Boston Marathon twice and ran in several local charitable events—but there was a mysterious side to her that piqued Abbey’s curiosity. It had been rumored that some of Ann’s teaching assistants were more than assistants. The fact that they were all girls really piqued Abbey’s curiosity.

Ann and Abbey’s relationship began on the track. Abbey, in an attempt to stave off the “freshman fifteen,” the weight gain that plagued many a freshman girl, took up running after her last class of the day. On those runs, Abbey noticed her professor also enjoyed an afternoon run, calf muscles straining in her flawless stride, sweat glistening in the warm sun.

Abbey made it a point to be at the track the same time as Ann. She tried as hard as she could to keep pace with Ann, which was no easy feat. Occasionally, Ann would smile a note of recognition as she passed Abbey but nothing more. Abbey was sure Ann never gave her presence a second thought. She was just another face in the sea of freshmen in one of her Intro to Literature classes.

After each run, Abbey, sweaty and wheezing, would duck into the student locker room to shower and change while Ann jogged off to her private office, face all aglow, barely out of breath. Abbey pressed her forehead against the cool tile of the shower stall as the warm water soothed her sore muscles. She couldn’t suppress the fantasies of Ann that ran through her mind whenever she was around her.

But then things changed. One afternoon on an exceptionally warm April day, Abbey was trying out a new pair of running shoes. She made it around the track once without a problem, but during the second lap, something kept rubbing and caused a burning pain over her Achilles tendon. Trying to work out the rub, she wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and stepped in a divot. She twisted her ankle, lost her footing, and fell practically face first onto the cinder track.

Suddenly, Ann appeared by Abbey’s side. She was bent over at the waist with both hands on her lean, muscular thighs. Abbey looked up and could see straight down Ann’s polyester tank top. Her small firm breasts were nestled snuggly into a white cotton bra.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Ann wrapped her arm around Abbey’s waist. “I’ll help you.” She and the escort practically carried Abbey out of the office and helped her get into the golf cart that took her to her dorm. The resident assistant helped Abbey into the elevator and up to her second-floor room.

Once in her room, Abbey lay on her bed and couldn’t stop thinking about Ann and how being so close to her made her heart skip a beat. Pleasure and guilt crashed into each other when she thought about this. Why can’t you just tell someone how you feel about them and let things grow from there? Why is guilt always attached to love, especially when it comes to my love life? Abbey drifted off to sleep with no answers.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Things started off innocently enough with casual conversation as Ann told Abbey stories of running in Boston and the camaraderie everyone felt at that amazing event, but as time went on, the visits became more intimate. One afternoon after their run, Abbey was admiring a photograph on the shelf behind Ann’s desk of Ann in a vineyard in Tuscany. Ann, who had just returned from showering and changing, came up behind Abbey. Ann was so close, the sensation of her warm breath on her neck sent shivers through Abbey’s body. “Tuscany is a beautiful place. You should really go there someday,” Ann whispered.

Abbey turned to face her, and a delicious shudder heated her body. Abbey’s heart fluttered wildly beneath her breast. Abbey closed her eyes as Ann took her into her arms and pressed Abbey against the mahogany desk.

“I…uh…” Abbey’s words were muffled by Ann’s soft, gentle kiss. Their kisses became more fervent. Ann’s hands slipped under Abbey’s mesh tank top and gently skimmed over Abbey’s cotton bra, brushing the tops of Abbey’s breasts with the tips of her fingers. Abbey moaned into Ann’s mouth, which seemed to fuel Ann’s passion even more.

Ann lifted the mesh shirt over Abbey’s head. She reached around Abbey’s back and unhooked her bra with one hand, letting the straps fall down Abbey’s arms. Ann gazed at Abbey. “You are so beautiful.”

Abbey felt her face flush with desire. She looked down, suddenly feeling awkward, timid, and unable to meet Ann’s gaze. “I’ve never done anything like this,” she said in a soft and low voice. “I’m not sure I know what to do.”

Ann pulled Abbey close and kissed her again. The kiss was slow and sweet, and Abbey could feel its effects from her head to her toes. After the kiss, Ann stepped back and admired Abbey’s beauty.

Abbey’s skin felt hot as Ann gazed at her. Her exposed nipples hardened, and Abbey tried to cover herself with her arms. Ann gently touched her arm. “Don’t hide yourself. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re beautiful.”

Abbey lowered her arms. As she did, Ann leaned down and lovingly kissed Abbey’s breasts.

Fireworks went off in Abbey’s brain, as well as another part of her body. Her legs felt weak. She scooted backward and sat on top of Ann’s desk. She laid her head back and reveled in the glorious sensations she felt throughout her body. This was like nothing she had ever felt before.

Now lost in the sensations of lust, Abbey reached for Ann and slowly unbuttoned her crisp oxford shirt. She pushed the fabric aside, and her breath caught in her throat. Never had she been this close to another woman, especially in this way.

A wave of guilt passed over her, and Abbey looked away. Ann leaned forward and kissed Abbey on the forehead. “It’s okay to touch me. I won’t break.”

Abbey reached out and ran her hands gently over the tops of Ann’s small firm breasts. Feeling braver, Abbey slipped her fingers under the silky fabric of Ann’s satin bra. A soft moan slipped from Ann’s lips as Abbey’s cool fingers brushed her taut nipples, fueling the fire that burned beneath Abbey’s skin. Ann’s mouth covered Abbey’s hungrily. Her kisses sent spirals of ecstasy through Abbey’s body. Abbey was shocked at her own eager response to Ann’s kisses.

Ann’s hands gently traced down Abbey’s shoulders and arms. Ann’s body trembled as she took Abbey’s hand and slid it down the front of her slacks. “See what you do to me,” she whispered into Abbey’s ear.

Abbey almost fainted as she felt the soft, warm wetness of Ann’s desire.

Ann gently laid Abbey down on the desk where they made love until the golden rays of first morning light came through Ann’s office windows.

Abbey would never forget that night. Or the many nights after that, where she and Ann would steal away and spend precious time alone together. Abbey knew what they were doing was wrong, but it felt so right.

Abbey truly admired Ann and felt privileged to have her attention. And the fact that Ann picked her over everyone else sent Abbey over the moon. It made her feel so alive being next to Ann in the classroom and thinking about how a few hours earlier she had had sex with her in her office or woken up in her arms that morning. Those thoughts never ceased to thrill her.

Ann, however, made it clear to Abbey that, because of the nature of their relationship, no one could ever find out about them, and Abbey agreed. Abbey would agree to just about anything right then. As long as she could be with Ann, nothing else mattered. Abbey wanted to tell the world that she was in love, but in her heart, she knew what damage it might do to Ann’s career.

In spite of the secrecy, their relationship survived and thrived the four years Abbey spent at Mercyhurst. During her junior and senior years, Abbey signed on as Ann’s teaching assistant, so to the outside world, their being together looked even more legitimate. No one thought anything of it when Abbey graduated magna cum laude and Ann surprised her with a two-week trip to Italy as a graduation present.””

Abbey was left by Ann, who choose to experiment a new relationship with Dean Jackson Price and throws Abbey out of her live, but after a short time she realizes that this new relationship will involve new responsabilities for her, like taking care of Jackson’s children and Ann didn’t liked to lose, she didn’t want to lose Abbey for selfish reasons as Abbey was exactly as she had wanted : her human puppy dog. Abbey was still in love with with Ann and wanted her back and she knew Hayden could do better than her, she is still underestimating herself by taking the second choice : Ann, and while she brakes up with Hayden, Ann shows up incredibly cruel, by embarrassing Abbey in front of Hayden and making Hayden incredibly uncomfortable and also, she takes a picture of Abbey kissing Hayden on her cheek. Abbey doesn’t want to go back to Ann, yet Ann threatens her she will show that picture to Abbey’s school council and make it so that Abbey loses her job and becomes all to dependable on Ann. Abbey is stunned and terrified by Ann’s reaction and she is dragged into an outrageous scandal and trial, which also involves Hayden, both are being set on trial and their sexuality is now open. Abbey, Hayden and Ann are asked to testify, Hayden has to ensure the judge she initiated the kiss and the relationship, as she was under aged (almost 18 years old) and that Abbey is innocent. Ann declares that Abbey’s relationship with Hayden is unethical, yet she get’s involved in the trial’s swirl and her relationship with Abbey is now obvious and her sexuality is open now, things she wanted so much to keep be kept a secret, in the past. Ann loses Abbey and the situation with Jackson is now obvious, not being love of experimental, but taking advantage of. Abbey loses her job, yet she is now free of Ann, free of everything as everyone knows now her being a lesbian (she felt so captive as she had to keep her relationship with Ann a secret for the sake of Ann’s position at the University).

„As Abbey stepped outside into the bright fall afternoon, sunlight beams seemed to ignite the orange and red maple trees that lined the sidewalk. Abbey’s breath caught in her throat when she saw Ann standing at the end of the sidewalk. Abbey averted her eyes and tried to walk quickly past her, hoping to get to her car before Ann could reach her.

As soon as Ann saw her, she ran up to Abbey and blocked her path. “Abbey, we need to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you. Please get out of my way.” Abbey tried to shoulder her way past Ann.

“Abbey, please.” Ann grabbed her by the arm.

“Get your hands off of me!” Abbey wrestled her arm from Ann’s grasp.

“Look, I’m sorry. You’ve got to believe I never meant for this to get so out of hand.”

Abbey stopped dead in her tracks. “Sorry? You’re sorry? Really? Let me tell you about sorry. I’m sorry I ever met you. Had I realized what a selfish, controlling, manipulative human being you were, I would have never wasted my time with you.”

Abbey took a minute to catch her breath and pull herself together. She was determined not to cry. “I loved you, Ann. I loved you with all my heart and you threw that away. I would have done anything for you, but you used me like you used everyone else who comes in contact with you. You know, when we were together, I always felt like I was inferior to you. You were the highly educated professor, and I was the lowly high school English teacher. And when I was your student, every word you said to me was golden. I idolized you. But when I look back at everything we’ve been through, I realize it was all part of your little game. I hope you’re happy that you’ve succeeded in destroying my life, but you know what, you won’t come out of this mess unscathed. The truth about you is finally out. I wonder how the powers that be at Mercyhurst will feel about you now? You’re a user, Ann. You’re mean and selfish and you use people for your own amusement. Hell, my mother even saw it.””

This trial is an amazing example on how harmful the lack of freedom is, of how our own insecurities, fear of what others think of us can take away all we have for the moment, yet actually the society has to change and acknowledge equal rights of love, equal rights on how love should be, heterosexual or homosexual, it doesn’t really matter, the right to love is universal and it shouldn’t affect professional lives nor the right to love openly whom we want. The cliche of a student being in love with a teacher is an amazing example on how flexible and fluid love is and how age is just a number and knowing how hard it is to find the right love is, the cliche starts to melt and love is love, and that’s it!

„” Tears streamed down Hayden’s cheeks as she left Abbey’s hotel. That afternoon’s events only confirmed that what she had perceived to have been the most beautiful experience of her life had turned out to be the most painful. She didn’t want to go home yet because she didn’t want to face Calli, who would ask her a thousand questions. She drove to Presque Isle to the spot where she and Abbey were the previous night…before everything fell apart.

Hayden sat behind the wheel of the Civic and looked out at the lake. It was windy and the white caps were breaking on the shore. Hayden closed her eyes, reliving the pain of that final scene when Abbey told her what they did was wrong. It didn’t feel wrong to her.

She thought about Ann and the awful things she said to her and Abbey. How could you claim to love someone and treat her so badly? Why did love have to hurt so much? Wasn’t it supposed to be the most wonderful thing that could happen to you?

A police car slowly drove by. Not wanting any further contact with the Presque Isle police, Hayden put the car in gear and headed home. When she got there, she was relieved to find that Calli wasn’t there. Finally, she could have some peace and quiet. She made herself a cup of tea and retired to her bedroom. She tried to read but didn’t comprehend a thing. She couldn’t stop thinking about Abbey. How could Abbey have been so close to that woman who treated her so bad? Ann seemed like a big bully and what right did she have to treat her and Abbey the way she did? And just because she was young didn’t mean her feelings didn’t count.

Enough of this pity party, Hayden thought. Even if Abbey and I aren’t meant to be together, there is no way I’m going to allow her to be treated that way. Anger gave her courage as she got back in the car and headed to Abbey’s hotel.””

Abbey and Hayden meet again after some time at Cali and Joey’s wedding in lesbiantown of Provincetown. Abbey is afraid of flight and holds on tight to Hayden, while Hayden’s eyes never cease to leave Abbey, Hayden is still in love with Abbey and always will, as she is a dream to come true.

„„As Abbey stepped outside into the bright fall afternoon, sunlight beams seemed to ignite the orange and red maple trees that lined the sidewalk. Abbey’s breath caught in her throat when she saw Ann standing at the end of the sidewalk. Abbey averted her eyes and tried to walk quickly past her, hoping to get to her car before Ann could reach her.

As soon as Ann saw her, she ran up to Abbey and blocked her path. “Abbey, we need to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you. Please get out of my way.” Abbey tried to shoulder her way past Ann.

“Abbey, please.” Ann grabbed her by the arm.

“Get your hands off of me!” Abbey wrestled her arm from Ann’s grasp.

“Look, I’m sorry. You’ve got to believe I never meant for this to get so out of hand.”

We don’t really find out how Abbey and Hayden will find love and how they will fit in together, but it is obvious that Abbey will have a teaching job in Provincetown and Hayden will follow.

„“Abbey, is that you?”

Abbey turned around. As their eyes met, Abbey felt a shock run through her.

“Hayden? What are you doing here?”

Hayden’s face split into a wide grin. “I’m heading to Provincetown.” Hayden showed Abbey her red plastic boarding pass with a big number six in the middle. “Calli and Jo are getting married this weekend. They’ve asked me to be in their wedding.”

“They’re getting married? Really?”

“Yes, they’ve been together almost two years. They moved to Provincetown last summer. Jo got a job at an art gallery on Commercial Street, and Calli is taking art classes at Cape Cod Community College and waitressing at Bayside Betsy’s. They seem very happy.”

Abbey plopped down into one of the beat-up chrome and black leather seats. “Wow.”

Hayden sat next to her. “So how have you been?” Hayden asked, her voice soft and caring.

Abbey looked at Hayden, and her heart turned over. She was surprised at the tenderness she saw in Hayden’s eyes. An unexpected warmth surged through her.

“I’m doing okay.” Abbey smiled. “I’m on my way to Provincetown, too. I have a job interview at Provincetown High School for a teaching position.”

Hayden grabbed Abbey’s arm. “Abbey, that’s great!” Hayden’s face flushed. She let go of Abbey’s arm, afraid she may have done something inappropriate.

Abbey reached out and touched Hayden’s hand. Hayden looked up and Abbey smiled. “Yes, it is great. I finally feel like I’m getting my life back in order. So how are you doing? How’s school going?”

“I really like it. Made the dean’s list three semesters in a row.”

“Atta girl. See, I knew nursing would be your niche.”

Hayden looked down. “I don’t think I would have gotten there without you. Thank you…for everything.”

“Hey, you’re the one doing the work. You got yourself there. I had little to do with it.”

The two women returned to the waiting area with two huge cups of Starbucks coffee and the biggest cinnamon rolls Abbey had ever seen.

“Hello.” Both women smiled at Hayden and Abbey. “You headed to P-town?” one of the women asked.

“Yes,” Abbey said. “Is that where you’re going?”

“Yes, we live there. I’m Connie, and this is my wife, Kathy.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Abbey, and this is Hayden.”””

An easy read and a great lesson of love, betrail, coming out and settling in. Loved Hayden’s innocence, first love and the butterflies in her stomach, also enjoyed Abby’s strength to fight against Ann and the society and the courage to find her way again, and a new love again next to Hayden, not so much younger yet.

July 23, 2017 0

Gypsy 2017 – The great Naomi Watts shows many faces and a lesbian love

There are certain actresses that I expect to do what Naomi Watts has done in Gypsy, mainly to play a lesbian love affair or a lesbian character so realistic as she does, for she has “antecedents” – Mulholland Drive (2001)

“I asked her if she would diagnose Jean as having a disorder,” Rubin said. “But she said everybody falls on different spectrums of different disorders, and she didn’t think Jean was diagnosable, and I agree. This is not a story about a woman with a mental illness . . . we’re all capable of doing dark or bad things. Most people are not good or bad; they fall in the gray and do bad things. And showing women [on screen] who are always nurturing, good, or likable is not being honest.

“I used to believe that people determined their own lives. We were in control, commanding our futures,

choosing our spouses, picking professions,responsible for the decisions that shape the course of our lives.

And yet, there is one force more powerful than free will. Our unconscious. Underneath the suits, behind closed doors, we’re all ruled by the same desires. And those desires can be raw and dark and deeply shameful.

The more you watch someone, the more you realize, we are never really who we say we are.

In fact, hidden underneath, there’s always a secret. We might actually be someone else.”

The great Naomi Watts is Jean Holloway, a therapist, mother, and loving wife to her husband, Michael (Billy Crudup) in Gypsy, the series follows as Jean creates the character of Diane, a single journalist whom she inhabits to unethically involve herself in the lives of her patients. Her transformation, the impetus of this unhinged act is a host of repressed sexual and professional yearnings that she indulges (along with much bourbon) as a distinctly troubling type of escapism creates an amazing piece of a character.

At first, her actions are explicitly tied to one patient: Sam (Karl Glusman), who is obsessed with Sidney (Sophie Cookson), his ex-girlfriend and a local bartender. In an early scene in one of their sessions, he describes being consumed by his desires for Sidney, being unable to think of anything but her and what she makes and made him feel. And what Jean seems to want in creating Diane is to feel that kind of passion for herself, as the day-to-day nuisances of play dates, other school mothers, her oft-rigid colleagues, and domestic duties have become the center of her existence. Her increasing dependence on alcohol is at once an enabling force and a reflection of what she seeks to feel when she begins to follow and flirt with Sidney.

Jean is working to solve the problems of her patients via extreme breaches in trust in an attempt to avoid confronting her own disquiet with the peaceful existence she’s built for herself. Watts, moving and nuanced as much in her silences as her speeches, is careful to not show Jean as completely indifferent to her marital life. She clearly cares about being a mother and a wife but she’s been feeling an impersonality toward her family, as well as her career, that has driven her toward more radical means of feeling noticed and desired. Watts makes the character a study in the neglected id returning to overtake the unending routines of professional and family life — the intimate impulse of wanting to destroy any semblance of personal stability. As such, one could even argue that Gypsy is a kind of horror series without the copious blood and outlandish violence.

The increasing lack of control that Jean feels and her impulsive seeking of satisfaction of any kind never comes through in Taylor-Johnson’s compositions or in Rubin’s dialogue. As such, we never quite get a handle on the pleasure, rush, and instability of what she’s doing, nor do we fully understand how that affects Michael or their daughter.

The danger in remaining professional is that one can also feel at a distance from the work and render one unable to find useful solutions to personal problems. For Jean, this leads to crippling frustration and an overwhelming feeling of uselessness, which pushes her toward the creation of Diane and the relationship she begins to build with Sidney. And by becoming personally involved in her patients’ lives, she denies them a crucial sense of control and freedom to speak without fear of being exploited, a situation that is primed for chaos that never quite came in the first four episodes but looks to be inevitably in the cards.

In essence, the series allows Rubin, Watts, and Taylor-Johnson to consider and criticize their own personal connections to their own work, employment that often requires them to be at a distance from their material to allow for producers and other interests to have their (mostly) appropriate say. And as all three chief creative forces behind Gypsy are women, there is an essential focus on how the simple fact of being a woman can drastically affect how you are criticized and managed by men. It’s an element that should have been pushed further throughout the run of Gypsy, which might have made for a great movie but settles as an engaging, wise series. Nevertheless, in a marketplace short on ambitious shows made by and for women, Gypsy finds fertile ground for an exploration of the chaotic impasse between roiling inner desires and the false yet requisite veneer of stability that society often calls for without knowing the real cost.

A must see Psychothriller with a glimpse of softness :

Sources :

Netflix &

http://collider.com/gypsy-review-netflix/#images

July 10, 2017 0

She left me breathless by Trin Denise

I wanted to read a story like this for a long time as it involves a love that lasts over the years and perhaps it will last forever and which entangles so many social and moral themes.

Sydney and Rachel were in love 13 years ago as they were teenagers, yet Rachel left Sydney for her parents’ prejudices in the name of the Lord and the Catholic Church, as such a love was abominable.

In this lesbian novel, Trin Denise surfaces very deep moral, social and religious issues that still linger in our society, perhaps not in the US, but surely in Europe, especially in the South Eastern countries. Those issues are : lesbian love is denied by God and the Church, marital sexual abuse in a heterosexual marriage, embezzlement , employees are collateral victims of harsh business takeovers, employees treated as resources not humans, revenge and greed, perhaps misunderstood ideas of being wealthy (Maureen’s parents were fired by Sydney when she took over their company)

Sydney Welsh is the main character and she surely breathes power and self contempt through all of her pores as she is a self made millionaire as CEO and owner of a company that produces specialty office hardware and software products and all this confidence attracts Caytlin, Rachel Ashburn’s biggest daughter to her. Yet, Sydney is miserable inside as she still suffers Rachel’s abandon and wants revenge, that’s why she hires Jackie to elaborate a plan to get to Rachel, mainly to hire Caytlin as a software programmer and then promote her as VP of the IT Soft Programming department at Welsh, take over the design company Rachel works for and face her.

Rachel had a unhappy life after leaving Sydney and her second husband Edward was a drunk and an abuser, she suffered and her daughters knew, yet she’s got no way out. She know she took the wrong choice 13 years ago and now she had to face abuse for the sake of her daughters, which of course was in her head, as Caytlin was almost 18 and Alyssa 8 years old and were of a high intelligence and they just wanted their mother to be happy.

The story starts when Sydney gets home from a business trip and finds her lover, Meredith, in bed with one of her executives, she throws her out after ten years of relationship, yet gives her a paycheck and wants her to leave the company as soon as possible and Meredith leaves but doesn’t forget to threaten Sydney. In the meantime, Sydney and Caitlyn get along very well and the young woman discovers something wrong in the company’s accounts, mainly a steal technique known to programmers and code writers as the salami technique, as small amounts of money, barely reaching 90 cents, is taken constantly from each of the company’s customers’ accounts and put into a certain bank account through a software program that will also cover the tracks and show the bills payed with the whole amount in the Welsh bookeeping reports.

It was a good idea that they met at Sydney’s Christmas Party and Rachel was amazed and puzzled to see Sydney again, while old feelings had awoken in Rachel, the ones that never left Sydney’s heart and soul became stronger.

Sydney buys the company Rachel works for and she smoothly attracts Rachel to do the design of her home pretexting that she was her employee now, yet she only wanted the love of her life closer and to somehow cut her off her abusive husband.

Sydney seems to have an amazing life, she is confident and more beautiful than ever in Rachel’s thoughts and she is also surrounded by beautiful women like Meredith. Rachel somehow feels she has wasted her life and the life she could of have with Sydney.

Rachel’s character is somehow build in between religious beliefs inoculated by her parents, especially by her mother Roberta, and an abusive marriage in which she was captive and unhappy. She loved her daughters and her job, yet she was as miserable as Sydney, she still lacked self confidence, strength , freedom and the power to take the right decision once and for all. I think the author wanted to build her that way, to point out the imbalanced decision she took 13 years ago, when she left Sydney and remarried Edward while Caitlyn was already born.

The biggest surprise in the novel was the fact that Caitlyn remembers Sydney since she was a child, because she knew the moment when her mother’s light in her eyes had faded.

And another surprise is the fact that Caitlyn is a lesbian and she tells Sydney first and somehow she figures out that Sydney is in love with her mother, Rachel and she’s happy about it. And how Caitlyn’s coming out to her mother makes Rachel understand and realize her daughter is all grown up and has the courage to take her own decisions and she is smart and tough to prove her intelligence and live her life as she wants to. All the facts that Rachel has denied herself and Sydney years ago.

I enjoyed the other characters, like Karen, Sydney’s assistant, she is the salt and the pepper of fun at the office and an amazing piece of a woman, she was enchanting. Also, Sydney’s executives like Allen Carmichael and their wives form another social issue debated in the novel, hypocrisy and ignorance, as they would be nothing without their husbands, they don’t see beyond heterosexuality, while their husbands steal and hunt everything and anyone to keep their high standard lifestyle.

I liked the suspense in the plot, because the reader suspects more than one character as the embezzler : Allen Carmichael, other executives, even Edward, yet not Maureen or even more the unexpected killer which I am going to keep secret for the sake of the read.

The lead to the kidnapping that started from Sydney’s revenge plan, the pursue, Sydney’s courage and intelligence to understand the facts before they happened and Caytlin’s smartness to say exactly the right few words for Sydney to understand, have created the perfect climax for the novel and the most expected outcome of it.

The smoking hot romance part left me breathless, as Sydney’s self confidence and love for Rachel lead to beautiful seductive moments between them as Rachel wants her, needs her so much, realizes she has wanted Sydney this way all along, shyness and embarressment are dismantled by softness, beauty, care, love, tenderness, lust and so much passion between the adults they have become after all those years.

Rachel through Sydney’s eyes

„Sydney looked at the attractive blonde-haired woman in the photo. The bright blue eyes sparkled in spite of the large purple and green bruise covering the woman’s right cheek. Her eyes were still as beautiful as Sydney remembered yet she looked different. The thirty-seven-year old face staring back at her looked sad, haunted, not the bubbling, happy, “I’m grateful to be alive” woman she used to know.

Jackie pulled out several documents stapled together from the file folder and slid it across the coffee table to Sydney. “This is a little more detailed and gives the so-called reasons for her injuries.”

Sydney looked at the first entry on the paper. “This happened less than a month after they were married.”

“Yeah, says she slipped and fell while getting out of the car. She just so happened to break her arm in the process.”

Sydney used her finger to scan down the list of entries. “She was treated for a concussion four months later when she accidentally fell down the basement stairs.” Sydney shook her head. “She was pregnant when these things happened.”

Sydney’s reason

„“Out of all the women I’ve known in my life, she’s the only one who ever left me breathless and … she broke my heart. Crushed it actually,” Sydney answered without hesitation. She intentionally left out the part that her actions were now fueled by revenge. Rachel Ashburn had ended their relationship without a second thought. It was bad enough that Rachel had decided she didn’t want to share the rest of her life with her. She could have dealt with that but it was the reasons behind Rachel’s decision that Sydney just couldn’t accept and no matter how hard she tried, she could not get the woman out of her head. People say that time heals all wounds but it doesn’t. Time may lessen the pain but it never goes away, not completely. She wanted Rachel to feel just one iota of the pain she had felt all those years ago. The physical abuse that Edward inflicted wouldn’t come close to the emotional havoc she was about to unleash on Rachel Ashburn

She herself knew that the wrath of a woman scorned didn’t compare to a lonely woman with a cold broken heart. ”

Ignorant opinions on lesbianism

„“I just cannot believe she flaunts her lesbian sexuality around in the open for all to see. What do two women do together anyway? For the life of me, I cannot understand how they have sex. Do you think she straps one on or what?”

Carmen and Danielle laughed.

“If you don’t know how two women can have sex with each other, Victoria, that tells me one thing. You’ve never had an orgasm in your entire miserable life and when Allen’s dry humping your ass like a dog, you become nothing more than a human waste disposal, you know, like a fuck dump for all of his deformed little swimmers,” Karen said from behind the women.

The three women whirled around, their faces registering shock as they stared at Karen. It was obvious that they could not believe anyone, let alone someone like Karen would speak to them in such a manner. Victoria’s eyes took in Karen’s red, green, and black Goth outfit. She made no attempt to hide the smirk on her face as she looked Karen up and down from head to toe.”

Mystery

„The desk light inside Caitlyn’s office flicked on. A mysterious figure covered in black from head to toe and wearing a ski mask, used a gloved hand to turn on the computer. While the computer booted, the gloved hand pulled out a piece of paper and laid it on the desk. The arrow pointer zipped around the screen as the mouse slid over its pad. The fingers moved to the enter button and pressed it, instantly changing the display. Rows and rows of computer code appeared on the monitor. The mask covered head leaned forward to look at the paper. Both gloved hands reached for the keyboard and began typing.”

Rachel’s thoughts

„Rachel slammed her purse down on the kitchen counter. “I have to find a new job. That’s all there is to it,” she said as she pulled out the basket in the coffee maker and put in a new filter. “I won’t work for a company she owns.” Why not, a little voice inside her head asked. “I just won’t,” she said, continuing to talk to herself as she scooped coffee into the filter. Can’t or won’t, the little voice asked. “Won’t, can’t, won’t, can’t. What makes the difference?” It does make a difference, the little voice said. “Okay, okay. I can’t work for her and I won’t because I can’t be that close to her,” she admitted as she filled the glass pot with water and poured it into the coffee maker.

Since the night of the Christmas party, thoughts of Sydney filled her head constantly. No matter what she did to get her mind off things, her thoughts returned to Sydney. She remembered how warm and gentle Sydney’s hands were when she had cleaned her cut. She remembered how her heart skipped a beat when Sydney’s legs touched hers when she slid the bar stool over. She remembered the smell of Sydney’s cologne and smiled. After all these years, she still wore Calvin Klein’s CK1. “You have to stop thinking like that,” she admonished herself. “I’m not going through this again. I just can’t.”

Her hands shook as she poured herself a cup of coffee and took it over to the kitchen table. She shook her head as several thoughts ran through her mind.I’m a married woman. Things are different. I’m different and she’s different. We are not the same people we used to be.”

Just Karen

„Caitlyn burst out laughing as she read it aloud. “The Remarkable and Luscious Dr. K. – Office of Supreme Intelligence. All problems welcome. Payment required at time of service. Will trade smart ass answers for sex.”

“You like that, huh?”

“You crack me up,” Caitlyn said as she looked at Karen’s clothing choice for the day, which consisted of a pink leather miniskirt and ‘come fuck me’ knee high pink boots with lace down the side. “By the way, the new studded pink dog collar is way cooler than the black one.”

“We’re on the clock here and time is sex. So what’s the problem?” ”

Am I making you uncomfortable…Rachel?

„“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Sydney asked, her voice sounding husky to her own ears as she moved closer. Her eyes fell to Rachel’s breast, traveling upward to her neck. She watched the pulse point in Rachel’s neck as it beat rapidly. Her eyes continued their path up Rachel’s neck, stopping on her mouth. She unconsciously licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. Right now, the only thing Sydney could think about was kissing Rachel and by the look in Rachel’s eyes, she knew she was thinking the same thing.

Rachel tried to move further back but there was nowhere to go. Sydney moved closer, their thighs and breasts touching. Sydney leaned in, her lips just below Rachel’s ear. “Mmm, you smell so good,” she whispered, her breath caressing Rachel’s skin like satin.

Rachel placed her trembling hands on Sydney’s chest. She knew that if she didn’t move away, she was about to do something she was going to regret. “You know darn well what you’re doing,” she said, her voice shaking as she pushed Sydney away.

Sydney threw her head back and laughed. The move only served to make Rachel angrier. Sydney had switched gears so fast, it made Rachel’s head spin. “I’m glad you think it’s so funny,” she said in a stern voice.

“Not at all. So let’s get down to business then, shall we?” Sydney asked as she moved away and pulled out the extra stool tucked under the drafting table and sat down.

Rachel looked down at the red t-shirt she was wearing and laughed. “I guess I should probably go change my shirt, huh?”

“Or … you could just take it off,” Sydney said in a nonchalant manner. She felt her skin tingle as she pictured what Rachel would look like sitting there,

wearing nothing but a pair of jeans.

Rachel leaned back in her chair. She tapped her index finger against her chin. “You know, I don’t remember you ever being this um … what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“I have no idea,” Sydney laughed.

“Brazen, arrogant, obnoxious, egotistical, maddening, and…”

Sydney needs answers from Rachel – the letter

„Rachel laughed. “I’m almost afraid to ask but here goes, what are you thinking about?”

“I was wondering if you’ve ever thought about me over the years,” Sydney answered honestly.

By the expression on Rachel’s face, Sydney’s answer is what she expected. “What do you think?” she asked, answering Sydney’s question with a question of her own.

“I don’t know, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked,” Sydney said, her eyes narrowing as she studied Rachel’s face for some indication of what was going through her mind.

Rachel looked down at her folded hands, which rested in her lap. “The answer is yes. I’ve thought about you a lot over the years,” she answered without looking at Sydney.

“But not enough to want to see me again,” Sydney said. The silence in the room was almost deafening and Sydney felt her anger rise to the surface.

“Why would I? You’ve been out of my life for over a decade,” Rachel said, her voice just above a whisper.

“I don’t know. How about to maybe apologize for the fucking Dear Jane letter you left me. Regardless of why you did what you did, I think … no … I know I deserved better than that.”

Rachel got up from her chair and grabbed her jacket off the back of the stool. With her back to Sydney she said, “I don’t want to get into this right now.” She turned and took a step toward the doorway.

“Oh no,” Sydney said and blocked Rachel’s exit with her body.

“You read my letter, Sydney. So you know why I left.”

“You’re right, I did.” Sydney laughed. “More times than I care to remember actually.”

“I need to get home,” Rachel said, her voice shaking.

“I just have a few questions for you first. Things I’ve wondered about for a long time now.”

“How long is this going to take? I have plans tonight,” Rachel said as she leaned back against the drafting table and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Still doing the midnight mass thingy?” Sydney asked with a smirk on her face.

“It’s none of your business what my plans are,” Rachel said through clenched teeth as she felt her own temper flare.

“You’re right, it’s not. So tell me this, Rache, how can you still support a church that hides and condones pedophile priests, yet has the audacity to declare that two women who are hopelessly in love with each other are a sin or abomination? You know what I think is a sin?” Sydney asked but continued without giving Rachel a chance to answer. “I think it’s a sin that the Pope tells people they shouldn’t be having sex and he’s talking about a subject when he’s the last person who should know a damn thing about the topic of sex.”

The shocked expression on Rachel’s face was a clear indication that she hadn’t expected to hear what Sydney just said.

Sydney held her hand up in the air. “Never mind but here’s a news flash for you, the church, and your whacked out ass parents. Priests who rape children are not homosexual, they are perverts who should have their balls cut off, then shot and then shot again for good measure.”

Rachel’s right eyebrow shot upward. “Why don’t you tell me how you really feel. Are you done now?”

Sydney’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Rachel. “Hell no, I’m just getting started and for the record,” Sydney said, looking up toward the ceiling as if she were talking to God. “If the church or anyone else wants to worry about the people who molest kids, they should look at good old heterosexual grandpa who likes bouncing little girls on his lap or that stepfather who seems to be so wonderful. It’s not us lesbians or gay men who rape their kids, it’s the so-called straight men that more than likely turn out to be a God damned relative. I suggest that you look no further than your own father or Uncle Henry.”

“I think someone in this room has some serious anger issues,” Rachel said. Her words served only to fuel Sydney’s anger.

“I would let a lesbian or gay man babysit my child any day of the week before I would trust them to the care of my so-called straight male relatives. Those are the ones the church should be warning people about.” She stopped and took a deep breath as she looked at Rachel. Several seconds past by without them saying a word. “Okay, I think I’m done now,” Sydney said finally.

“Are you sure, I think you may still have a little more church-anger lurking in there somewhere.”

“You’re damn straight and I’m not the only one. I have anger issues because I’m fed up with lesbians and gays getting the blame for everything that’s fucked up in the world. The difference is that I have the balls to tell it like it is.”

“The church doesn’t blame you personally.” Rachel said the words although she knew what she said was a lie but she was so angry right now with Sydney that she didn’t care.

“Give me a freaking break, Rache. You think your church is so great and that you will find all the answers within those four walls. I don’t care what you believe or think or anyone else for that matter, something is really fucked up when the church would rather see a woman with a man who beats her every single day of her life, then see her with someone of her own sex who loves her and would worship the ground she walked on.”

Sydney took another deep breath. “Tell me, Rache, how could any parent want that for their child? How could you prefer to see your daughters with an abusive boyfriend or husband instead of someone of their own sex who loves them? It’s insane!”

“You know what? I’ve heard enough,” Rachel yelled.

Sydney grinned. “You know what you are?”

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” Rachel sighed.

“You’re a hypocrite. You, like so many others, have what I call Doorstep Religion. You pick it up on the way into the church and drop it off on the step on your way out but you know what’s worse than that? You’re setting one helluva an example for your daughters.” As soon as the last words left Sydney’s mouth, she regretted it.

Rachel, with tears in her eyes grabbed her car keys and purse off of the drafting table and brushed past Sydney through the doorway.

Sydney followed her out into the hallway but made no move to stop her from leaving. She knew what she said was hurtful and wrong on so many levels but once she started, she couldn’t stop. All those years of hurting had come to the surface and she was unable to stop it. “Go ahead and run away. We both know how good you are at it,” she yelled.

She stood there for several minutes, unable to move. She heard the front door shut and then turned and went into her office. She slammed the door shut behind her so hard that several books fell off their shelves, landing on the floor with a thud.

“Damn it, Sydney, you sure know how to make matters worse,” she chastised herself as she dropped down into her desk chair. She pulled out her lap drawer. For several seconds she looked at the folded yellow paper lying next to a box of paperclips.

She picked it up and unfolded it. Her eyes filled with tears, the pain she had felt for all these years rushed to the surface. No matter how many times she read the words, the pain in her heart always felt the same.

The tears continued to stream down her cheeks as she read the words aloud.

“My dearest Sydney,

As I sit here, my heart feels as if it’s being ripped to shreds. I want you to know that the last few months have been the best months of my life. I love you, Sydney, and the love I feel for you and the love you have shown me is more than I ever hoped to have in my lifetime and I will always be grateful for that and to you.

Writing this letter to you is the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish things could be different. I wish we lived in a different time where the love we share for each other would be looked at as something to be honored and cherished instead of an abomination of Christ.

I’m sorry, Sydney, but I’m not at the same place you are. I know I shouldn’t care what people think or care what the Catholic Church thinks, but I do. I can’t raise my daughter in a lesbian relationship.

I will never forget you or the love we shared although it would be easier on me if I could. You are a wonderful woman with so much to give. My only wish for you is that you someday find that one woman who leaves you breathless. That one woman who can share her life with you, regardless of what anyone else thinks. I wish it could be me but it can’t.

I beg you not to come after me or try to find me because I won’t be here. Please remember that I do love you and probably always will.

Rachel”

Lovemaking

„“I need to make love with you and if I have to wait much longer, I’m going to die,” Sydney whispered in Rachel’s ear.

“Oh no, sweetheart, I haven’t suffered all these years to have you up and die on me now,” Rachel said, sliding her hands beneath Sydney’s shirt.

Sydney shivered and groaned at the same time when Rachel’s fingers softly grazed the side of her breasts.

“Something wrong,” Rachel whispered against Sydney’s neck as she lightly kissed her way up to her ear.

Sydney tossed her head back as warm tingling sensations spread throughout her entire body, ending with wet and throbbing pulsations between her legs. “I’m going to pass out,” she moaned as Rachel’s hands cupped both of her breasts, her thumbs making light teasing circles over her nipples.

“I want to make love with you all night long and I guarantee you’re not going to pass out,” Rachel said, removing her hands from inside of Sydney’s shirt. She took Sydney’s hand in hers and pulled her toward the master bedroom.

Sydney stopped walking. The quick move caused Rachel to spin around so that she was facing Sydney, their breasts now firmly pressed against each other.

She looked into Rachel’s eyes and every ounce of love she felt for this woman poured out. When their lips met, all the years of pain and suffering and longing melted away. Sydney had never tasted such exquisiteness in her life and she wanted so, so much more. She was unable to stop the moan that escaped from her throat as Rachel’s lips parted, allowing her tongue to taste such divine sweetness.

Without realizing how it happened, they found themselves standing next to Sydney’s bed.”

July 6, 2017 0

A kiss doesn’t lie by Robin Alexander

A truly beautiful adventure novel mixed with a sensual love story involving two intelligent and amazing women : Jodi Grant and Dr. Blair Whittington.

Jodi has a nice life as a real estate agent and a welcomed new romance coming her way when she is notified that her father, who has left her and her mother when she was young, has died. She goes to attend the funeral, just for her mother and to get rid of the last memories she had with him, as he was no role model, but „a thief, liar, and all-around asshole”. He knew nothing of his daughter as his archeological duties kept him on foreign lands and bewildered continents, especially South or Central America, manly Peru. He was searching the big hit, yet he deceived his family, his work and the ancestors, by turning artifacts into stolen goods for his own fortune.

At his funeral, Jodi is kidnapped by strangers that were looking for her father’s treasure. She is taken to the jungle of Peru to some mysterious archeologist whom happens to be a woman her father has deceived, Dr. Blair Whittington.

Jodi was innocent and now in the arms of this Dr. Dr. Blair Whittington whom surely wanted revenge, yet at first sight, it seems that she understood that Jodi had no idea what this was all about.

” Brown eyes regarded her from beneath a black ball cap as Jodi wound up internally for the last tongue-lashing she was ever going to dole out. She planted a hand on her hip. “That’s right, I’m Jodi Grant, only daughter of the late Nicolas Grant, but I did not know him. I have no idea what he was up to when he was killed. I absolutely despise archaeology and don’t give a rat’s fuzzy ass about long dead cultures. If they were anything special, they’d still be around. And if I weren’t surrounded by guns, I’d kick the shit out of you for dragging me into what is so obviously a hellhole. So, Dr. Whittingham, that should answer all the questions you have for me.”

“It’s Dr. Blair Whittington.” She pushed the chair on the opposite of the table with her foot. “Have a seat.”

Ant shoved Jodi toward it where she sat begrudgingly.”

Dr. Blair Whittington was a true archaeologist, her mother was famous for discovering a Peruvian treasure and she wanted so much to follow her mother’s steps and put all she had, her heart and her soul into archeology, leaving her love life on hold, yet has fallen into the wrong hands of Dr. Grant, as she was an innocent, a beginner and he took advantage of all these and dragged her name into this muddy business of his, as her partner archeologist, Tad, underlined :

“Your father found and hid artifacts from a culture that has been traced as far back as 750 AD. Instead of turning over the find to the authorities of Peru, he went back to the States and found someone willing to purchase the antiquities illegally. Someone who has enough money and swing to smuggle priceless relics out of the country.”

“I’m a colleague of your mother’s. Her work on Incan culture captivated and inspired me. Carmen Whittington is one of the most respected archaeologists I’ve ever known.”

“She was, yes,” Blair said as the polite smile slipped from her face.

“Has she passed on?” Nicolas asked with great disappointment. “I’ve been out of the country.”

“A year ago. I’ve donated all her writings to the university, so if you need to see her notes, you’ll have to make an inquiry of the dean.”

Nicolas clasped Blair’s arm as she turned to go. “I’m so very sorry for your loss…but actually, it’s you I wanted to talk to. May I have just a few minutes of your time over a cup of coffee?”

Blair had to save her reputation and find dr.Grant’s artifacts, keep everyone alive, as Jason as his wife took care of their safety, yet she has never expected her attraction towards Jodi, as she knew Jodi’s love preferences, as dr. Grant has told Blair. Dr. Grant has left a diary with hidden clues only Jodi could find and describe as a map to follow the goal, the Peruvian artifacts.

In this wild environment, when water was rare, hotness was all over, bullets and enemies surrounded them, Blair and Jodi fall for one another, against all odds, in the search of the artifacts, Blair not convinced but after a while of Jodi’s innocence, now, fears that she won’t be able to protect Jodi and to solve the whole situation with the local authorities and the enemy who was following them from the shadows as he wanted the artifacts for himself, possibly, dr. Grant’s initial buyer from the States.

“Blair leaned her head back and stared up at a full moon that seemed so close she could simply reach out and touch it. Jodi’s proximity drew her thoughts away from their lack of supplies and Jason’s motives. It had been a long time since someone slept next to her, too long to ponder. And frankly, on her list of priorities, it didn’t place, but there she was gazing down at the head on her lap.

Tad had made her sound like a virgin, and she was certainly not…unless the statute of limitations ran out on such a thing. After a few dalliances in college, it was confirmed that she had no desire for men whatsoever. She’d never cared for boys in high school, so it came as no big surprise that the only person who had ever stirred anything within her was a woman with whom she had a brief affair. But that had not compelled her to look further.

Blair had not enjoyed making calls that were never returned. It made her feel weak and vulnerable, and she decided that love and romance were not worth the pursuit. Her mother often quoted the old adage “you just haven’t met the right one.” Blair refused to look or hope. She ignored it all, then it didn’t seem so…important.

Tad’s earlier comment about her and Jodi making a good pair jolted her. She’d mentally agreed before she ever considered what that meant. For all intents and purposes, she had no idea who Jodi Grant really was. She’d spent more time with Nicolas and didn’t know him, either, until he put a figurative knife in her back and had the audacity to die before she could return the favor.

Blair began to catalog everything she knew about Jodi to dispel the mental haze she’d felt since overhearing their conversation. Jodi was…attractive, intelligent, brave, though she didn’t realize it herself. What else? Blair wondered as she looked at the wild mass of dark hair splayed out over her thigh. Feisty, stubborn, distrusting…Blair groaned and looked back up at the moon. She’d just described herself.”

Blair isn’t sure of her own sexuality, as she has never gave it a real thought, as none was on her loving stage until now. But, in the depths of her soul, she knew her attraction to women was real, obvious and incredibly satisfying.

„Jodi glanced at Blair’s face as she medicated and cleaned the wound. She grimaced but made no sound. She did whimper slightly when Jodi moved her arm to put on a fresh undershirt. “She’s dressed, Tad. Would you spread out our sleeping bags?”

Tad turned and kissed Blair on top of the head and smiled down at her. “Mom always said a kiss makes it better.” He grinned at Jodi. “I’m sure you’d rather have that kiss come from someone else.” He walked off to spread out the bags, and Jodi swatted him on the leg.

“He’s right,” Blair said groggily with a half-grin.

Jodi glanced over to where Jason was sleeping. Raul was reading the original letters. Jodi leaned in and brushed her lips against Blair’s. The kiss was brief but enough to make Blair open her eyes wide.

“I hope you meant me.” Jodi stood, breaking eye contact with Blair.

“I did,” Blair said barely above a whisper as Jodi pulled her to her feet. Tad joined them and walked Blair over to the bags. He removed her boots as Jodi took off her own overshirt and padded Blair’s shoulder.

“I’ll keep watch,” Tad said. “You two get some rest.”

“That’s really not necessary. What we’ve been watching for has found us.” Jodi touched Tad’s arm. “Sleep if you can. No heroics. They’re armed and we’re not.” Tad nodded reluctantly, and Jodi knew then what he’d been plotting. “I’m not going out without a fight, either. We’ll come up with something.”

They had lain Blair with her injured side near the wall. Jodi fished a clean shirt from her bag and covered Blair’s shoulders with it. She lay next to Blair and put a hand on her hip. “I’m here if you need me,” she said and closed her eyes.

Blair’s response came a few minutes later. “I know.””

Their lovemaking involves passion, danger, foreign lands and a whole lots of edging daring of trust.

“Blair steeled herself for the shock and stepped out from the shelter. The rain was coming down so hard it stung when it hit her shoulder.

Jodi turned slowly. Her gaze started at Blair’s eyes and roamed over every inch of her body. When she met Blair’s eyes again, she smiled. “Well, it seems I’ve lied.”

“Strike one.” Blair tried to keep the smile from slipping from her face.

“You’re going to need help washing your hair and face. You can barely raise that arm as it is.”

The thought of being naked and so very close to Jodi with her hands on her body nearly killed Blair. She stood stock-still as Jodi massaged her scalp and lathered her hair with the soap. Blair was thankful that her eyes were closed as Jodi lathered her face. If she were to look into those eyes once more, what little control she had would slip away with the rain pelting her body.

“Rinse for a minute. I’ll wash my hair and face, then we’ll do the….rest.”

Blair lifted her face to the sky and let the rain wash away the lather. The pain in her shoulder was muted by the lust she felt at that moment. She’d known arousal but not like this. When she dared to open her eyes, Jodi’s head was tipped back. Her hands worked the soap from her hair, and Blair found herself unable to stop from taking in everything displayed before her.

“You’re beautiful.” The words slipped past Blair’s lips when Jodi looked at her.

“You’re peeking.”

“I’d say I was sorry, but that would be a lie.”

Jodi’s expression was serious. “You’re wrecking me. This is not the time or the place, but I want you.”

Blair went weak at the timbre of her voice and the look in her eye that confirmed the words Jodi was speaking. She inhaled sharply when Jodi walked over and laid her fingers on her shoulder.

“I need to get this off.” Jodi began tugging at the tape. The pain was sharp, and Blair grabbed her waist to steady herself. “I’m so sorry. I know it hurts,” Jodi said softly. “The gauze is sticking.”

Unable to speak, Blair held on as Jodi peeled the gauze from her torn skin and began to soap it. Rain pounded into the gashes and stole her breath away. Jodi washed Blair’s hand and laid it over the wound. “Keep that there and I’ll do the rest,” Jodi’s voice was tremulous as she spoke.

Pain began to recede again as Jodi ran the soap over Blair’s stomach. Her touch burned like fire as she moved them over Blair’s chest, then finally across her breasts. Both women inhaled sharply. Jodi moved around Blair as she washed her ribs and back. Blair marveled that even having her armpits washed was the most sensual thing she’d ever encountered.

Jodi moved in front of her again, her hands never leaving Blair’s body. “If you say stop, I’ll stop.”

Blair shook her head slowly without hesitation. Injury forgotten, she gripped Jodi’s shoulders as she ran the soap and her fingers between her legs. The muscles in Jodi’s shoulders bunched and danced beneath Blair’s fingertips. Their breath came out in gasps. “Blair.” Jodi sounded miserable as her hands moved through the wetness. With a groan, she knelt and washed Blair’s legs and feet.

Jodi stood and took a step back. Her neck, chest, and face were flushed as she began to soap her body. Blair was rooted to the spot, unable to turn away. She watched with pain and envy as Jodi soaped herself, hesitating only slightly before running her hands between her own legs. When she was done, she dropped

the bar of soap and stared back at Blair with a want so intense Blair felt like it scorched her skin.

Jodi wiped the rain from her face with both hands. When she opened her eyes, she said, “I think you should go dry off. I need to stay out here for a minute or two.”

She was giving Blair an out. It was Blair’s decision alone. Desire so clearly showed on Jodi’s face.

“Come to me,” Blair said only once, and Jodi was there. Jodi’s touch was tender, her kiss bruising and wild. The heat of her body and the rain on Blair’s back was an intoxicating combination. She could not get close enough, her kiss deep enough to satisfy.

Jodi broke the kiss and pressed her face against Blair’s. “This is crazy. What are we doing?”

“Living in the moment or just living.” Blair took Jodi’s hand.

*******

They were dripping wet when Jodi spread the only dry sleeping bag they had out on the ground. Rain splattered against the rocks and bounced into their refuge. Jodi looked at Blair’s shoulder as she sat. “I need to bandage that.”

“Let it breathe.” Blair reached out her hand and Jodi took it, allowed herself to be drawn down. Blair’s deep kiss burned hot. Jodi felt a hand in the center of her chest, urging her onto her back.

“I’m afraid you can’t be the leader tonight,” Jodi said when she broke the kiss. “Tonight, you follow me, and when you’re mended, I’ll follow you.”

“I’ve never been a follower.” Blair bit her lip when Jodi lowered her to the ground.

“Your shoulder isn’t going to allow you to do anything.” Jodi lowered herself onto Blair’s body and kissed her neck, letting her teeth graze across soft skin. “Give yourself to me, Blair, and when the time is right, I’ll give myself to you.” Without giving Blair an opportunity to reply, Jodi covered her mouth with her own. Blair responded to the kiss with equal fervor. Her hand wove into Jodi’s hair and pulled her tighter against her mouth.

Jodi shuddered when she felt Blair’s legs wrap around her own. She’d fantasized and wondered if this moment would ever truly play out. Reality was so much better than the fantasy, but Blair was more of a participant than she had even imagined. Jodi pulled away, eager to feel Blair’s body beneath her mouth. Her lips grazed smooth skin before taking a rigid nipple into her mouth. Blair arched as the fingers of her good hand dug into the skin of Jodi’s back, stoking the fire higher.

Rain pounded all around them, drowning out whispered words, but Jodi could hear Blair’s labored breathing, feel Blair’s chest and stomach heaving against her face. There would be no teasing or delaying of the inevitable. Jodi slid down and buried her face between Blair’s legs, tasting her and thrilling at the feel of her against her tongue. Blair urged her on with a hand wrapped in her hair, but Jodi slowed, determined to enjoy the gift as long as she could stand it. Slow languid strokes weren’t enough. Blair was saying something Jodi couldn’t hear, but her meaning was clear by the way she moved her hips. Jodi answered and felt Blair’s body go rigid. It was over too soon.

The orgasm was intense and for a moment cooled the flame that burned in Blair. She wanted more of Jodi, wanted to be inside of her, taste her, connect. Sex had always satisfied an immediate need, but this—this was something she’d never known. Blair tugged as gently as she could, and Jodi complied, moving up and settling her body against hers. Their mouths met, and at the same time, she felt Jodi’s heat against her. Blair arched her hips, pressing into Jodi as far as their bodies would allow. She gasped against her mouth, and Blair knew she had her.

Jodi met her thrust for thrust, and Blair felt her wetness merge with her own. Jodi struggled to keep her shoulder away from Blair’s injured one. Blair pulled her tighter, the pain an afterthought far behind the need she felt to have Jodi completely. She gritted her teeth as Jodi’s body tensed, held her with her arms and legs as Jodi jerked and shuddered, crying out against her ear. Blair clamped her eyes shut, taking the feelings and the sounds deep into the recesses of her mind. If this was all she was to have, she’d remember it until she drew her last breath.

Jodi went limp and gasped against her ear. Blair held on to her to keep her from moving away. That night, they would sleep entwined. No one would stand watch over them, and if their enemies came, they’d go together just like this.“

When they find the Peruvian artifacts, dr. Grant’s treasure, it’s obvious they will take one clue and go to the authorities who won’t believe them as they were foreigners and Tad was missing. Blair’s brother came to help, as they were a wealthy family, they could afford a big team of lawyers. Yet, the turning point is the fact they will be separated, as Jodi is off charges as she was proven to have been kidnapped in the States and has never traveled outside the US and goes back to the States and Blair had to stay in Peru to prove her innocence and her good faith in discovering the artifacts and clear her name, her mother’s legacy.

And after all this, the pain of separation, the self discovery, the missing and realizing love is more important than anything, they will find the only one road they could walk, the lifetime they could walk together entangled in what a kiss says.

„And they wanted to know all about Dr. Whittington, but what Jodi knew about the famous doctor, she kept to herself. She knew the woman who had become some fabled character as a tireless lover who had a birthmark above her left breast. Whose kisses left her breathless. That’s all she thought of when she heard the name Dr. Blair Whittington.

“Ms. Grant, what do you plan to do now?”

A slight smile passed over her face. “I have a brand new pair of snow boots. I’m looking forward to having an opportunity to use them. That’s all I have to say at this time.”

“She cut her hair,” Blair said aloud as she dropped onto the bed. And Jodi had sent a message—she was waiting on her to get home. Nothing had changed. Blair switched off the TV and burrowed down into the bed. She would surrender to the pull of the sleeping pill, and the next day, she would be sharp.”

“Blair didn’t object to the plan, though Jodi expected her to. Instead she turned and brushed her lips with a quick kiss and motioned Tad to move on. Blair looked into Jodi’s eyes as Tad started up the stairs. Something in their dark depths confused her, but she had faith. Blair had made a promise in her kiss. She didn’t argue as Blair motioned for her to follow Tad.“

„Jodi smiled and kissed her. The brief soft touching of lips said more to Blair than Jodi could voice. Had Jodi clung to her and kissed her with all the passion Blair had already felt, then she’d know that Jodi was afraid they might not have another opportunity. This simple brush of affection gently whispered, We’ll be fine. “A kiss says a lot, you know.”

Jodi cocked her head. “Yes, I do. I thought I was the only one that believed that way. What did my kiss say to you?”

June 27, 2017 0

Awol – 2017 lesbian movie

The Australian drama „Awol” tells the story of a young woman named Johanna „Joey”, aged around 18 or 19 years old, played by Lola Kirke. She is at the crossroads of life just after her teenage years, just finishing highschool and in search of direction in her small town just like her grandmother would wish.

A visit to an army recruiting office appears to provide a path, but when she meets and falls in love with 27 years old Rayna played by Breeda Wool, that path diverges in ways that neither woman anticipates. Rayna is married of convenience with a truckdriver and has children,yet her passion for Joey amazes her and makes her want a whole new life with her lover, yet still she doesn`t want to ruin her young lover`s future.

The love they live makes them forget parts of their commitments : Rayna`s for her children and Joey`s for the army and they leave the Appalachia small town for Canada.

Loved the rural theme and how souls are divided in between earth, poverty, love and guilt of social commitment.

A new breath on the lesbian movie small and big screens. How will it end? Just watch it !

AWOL — which has been honored by the Kansas City LGBT Film Festival, qFLIX Philadelphia, and the North Carolina Gay & Lesbian Film Festival — got its start as a short film at Sundance in 2011. At a Q&A after the feature-length film’s world premiere at the Tribeca this spring, Deb Shoval noted that AWOL, which is an indulgent yet brief 80 minutes, took an arduous four years to make.

The movie was directed by Deb Shoval, making her feature directorial debut by adapting her own short film of the same name. The screenplay was written by and Deb Shoval.

Trailer :

Sources :

https://www.autostraddle.com/movie-review-awol-tackles-rural-poverty-in-a-brillant-lesbian-love-story-348613/

http://www.lesbian-interest.com/awol-2017-lesbian-movie/

June 12, 2017 0

Spring fire by Vin Packer

“Spring fire“ is the first lesbian paperback novel that first appeared in 1952 and sold an amazing 1.5 million copies. It launched the genre of lesbian novels and the career of Vin Packer, pseudonym for prolific author Marijane Meaker.

Being the first lesbian novel pulp fiction of the genre, it made me kind of sad that the author couldn’t actually choose the destiny of the characters and that was also forced to put two very beautiful and almost naked women on the cover as it would sell and also, no happy ending, do not promote lesbianism and one of them should decide she is no lesbian and the other is supposed to be sick or crazy.

In the new introduction of the book, the author remembers how this book was published and which conditions she was asked by the publisher :

“You might have a good story there“, Dick said, “but you`d have to do two things. The girls would have to be in college, not boarding school. And, you cannot make homosexuality attractive. No happy ending“

“In other words, my heroine has to decide she’s really not queer“

“That’s it. And the one she’s involved with is sick or crazy.“

And the title is chosen to create confusion and sell better.

“I want to call it Spring Fire, Dick said.

What? What does that even mean?

It means there’s a big seller by James Michener called The Fires Of Spring, and we might pick up a few readers who confuse the titles.“

“Spring fire“ is the typical sorority love story, but this time between two girls : Susan Mitchel (“Mitch“), the butch style freshman, and Leda Taylor , the queen of Tri Ep sorority. They are supposed to date fraternity guys and Leda does date Jake.

Mitch is accepted by the sorority only because her father is rich and she will bring the sorority sisters fame and the so much desired silvery, yet in Leda’s eyes there is so much more, and it’s actually Leda who corrupts Mitch and the foolish girl falls in love with her, yet Leda cannot accept the term nor the life as a lesbian couple.

“ “Don’t,” Leda said, her arm catching the girl’s waist. Mitch turned on her side, facing Leda, feeling the hand rub her back. It was quiet and warm. Leda moved her hand forward and ran her fingers lightly over the buttons on Mitch’s pajama top. Then, gently, she slipped the round, plastic buttons from their loops, leaving the coat open. Almost as if Mitch knew what would follow, she held the top of the sheet back while Leda moved down and lightly kissed Mitch’s breasts. A soft sigh broke free from Mitch’s throat and evolved into a plaintive cry. Leda pulled herself up and her lips found Mitch’s and crushed them, burning and moist.

“Mitch,” Leda whispered, and they held each other fast and hard. “Mitch.”

Leda was not a man, and yet, when she had awakened her, Mitch turned to her and they were not friends then, but lovers. Mitch became separate as a person at last. She was not separate from Leda, but individual and one. She was wanted and she wanted, and it was not a want striped with fear and hurt It was a fragile want to be nurtured and cared for, as Leda had then in bed.

“I never kissed a girl,” Leda had said afterward. “I’m sorry I did it to you, kid.”

There was something wrong and ill in the two of them then like that, Mitch knew, but what? When she was a child, near the dam where she had gone with her father, on the worn lead pipe there were words written and she had said, “What do they mean?” They were bad words, he explained, and there was that about his explanation that made her feel guilty, as though she had taken the white chalk and put the words there. Leda was sorry, so she knew what was wrong.

Like you’ve been doing, Mitch. I couldn’t love you if you were a Lesbian.”

“I’m not,” Mitch said, wondering what the word meant “I’m not. I—I just haven’t met a man yet who makes me feel the way you do.”

“Maybe you don’t give them a chance,” Leda answered. “Come on now. Let’s go to bed. God, it’s three-thirty.”

They tiptoed up the back steps and down the quiet, dimly lighted hall to their room. Leda pulled the covers back and fell into her bed. She murmured a tired good night, and her eyes closed and her breathing came heavily. Mitch did not sleep. She lay tossing about on her bed across from Leda, her mind running through the incidents of the evening to review them and examine them. There was only a fragmentary edge left to the sensuous memory of her loving Leda, and looming now in a sick foreground there was this word.

Slowly Mitch got up and went to the bookshelf, taking from it the blue book, and leafing through it, holding it near the flash that Leda had left on the desk.

Les’bian (lezTrian) adj. 1. Of or pertaining to Lesbos (now Mytilene), one of the Aegean Islands. 2. Erotic;—in allusion to the reputed sensuality of the people of Lesbos.

Mitch closed the book and stood staring at the bare light of the street lamp in front of Epsilon Epsilon Epsilon. She could hear Leda’s breath coming slower now and more evenly, in deep sleep, and the dictionary had told her nothing.

“The female homosexual, the Lesbian, often preys on girls who are not true homosexuals. Such girls may enjoy men, and be capable of normal heterosexual life if they do not become involved with a genuine Lesbian type, whose technique is often more skillful than that of many of her young men suitors.”

Men come first with me.

Maybe it was natural.

“A normal man finds sex with this type of woman extremely difficult if not impossible.”

I can’t.

No, I just can’t!

“Many times, under the proper circumstances, a female homosexual may learn to control, if not eliminate, her active homosexual tendencies once she is removed from an environment where the temptation is great In the case of…”“

Mitch has encounters with Jake’s fraternity brother Bud, yet she doesn’t go further with him and she has an incident, because the big guy feels hurt in his ego by her rejection and creates a whole mess and a little scandal to force Mitch to at least date him, yet Mitch loves Leda, declares it to her and even writes her a letter that will be her doom.

“Dear Leda,

This letter is for you alone. Please tear it up when you are through.

More than anything else I want you to understand what I’m going to say here, and why I’m saying it. I want to leave the sorority and become an independent.

Maybe it’ll be the best thing for me, and maybe it’ll be just another defeat, but I have to do it. Leda, darling, you know that I love you. You know it, even though I haven’t shown it in the past few days. I’ve been worried and afraid, and now I know for sure what’s wrong with me. I suppose I should go to a doctor, but I don’t have the nerve, and I’m going to try to help myself as best I can.

Lesbian is an ugly word and I hate it. But that’s what I am, Leda, and my feelings toward you are homosexual. I had no business to ask you to stop seeing Jake, to try to turn you into what I am, but please believe me, I didn’t know myself what I was doing. I guess I’m young and stupid and naive about life, and I know that you warned me about the direction my life was taking when you told me to get to know men. I tried, Leda. But it was awful. Even Charlie knows what I am now. I think that if I go to an independent house, away from you, the only person I love, I’ll be able to forget some of the temptation. If I stay in the sorority, I’ll only make you unhappy and hurt you. I love you too much to do that

Please announce that I am leaving during the chapter meeting tonight Don’t tell them why, please, because I want to straighten myself out and I don’t want people to know. Tell them that I thank them for all they’ve done, but that I’d rather live somewhere else because I don’t fit in here.

I know how you’ll feel about me after reading this. I’ll try to stay out of your way. Tonight I am going to eat dinner downtown, and then during chapter meeting I’ll pack most of my things and move to the hotel until I get a room at the dorm. Robin Maurer is going to help me.

There’s nothing else to say but good-by, I’m sorry, and I do love you, Leda.

Mitch”

She will meet other great guys that are not fraternity affiliates, Charlie and Lucifer, yet she cannot physically nor mentally love them, she understands her attraction for women and her love for Leda. Their lovemaking, their jealousy are normal states of mind and couple, yet back then they seemed surreal.

Leda continues a loveless life dating sorority guy until the accident where she’s badly injured and in that trauma she speaks words she shouldn’t have and her sorority sisters understand that she is the one that corrupted Mitch into lesbianism, as they couldn’t conceive the fact that it can be consented and, as they have caught Mitch and Leda together and Mitch was the attacker and Leda was considered the victim as she betrayed Mitch, by showing everyone Mitch’s love letter to her.

“”Maybe I’m trying to prove something to myself. Part of me is trying to say that I’m not what I am. That’s the part of me that everyone knows—the alluring Leda, the queen, Jan’s daughter, an apple never falls far from the tree. Out with Jake every damn day to keep myself away from what I really am. Want to know what sex with him is like? It’s like dry bread, that’s what it’s like. Like dry bread!”

Leda got up from the bed and reached for her cigarettes on the desk. She felt relieved, cleansed, as though her mind had been emptied and she was free. She walked over to the suitcase on Mitch’s bed and picked up the clothing, taking it in her arms to the drawer. “You want this all put back, don’t you?” she said to Mitch. “You won’t leave me?”

“No,” Mitch said. “I’m going. Robin arranged everything, and—oh, Leda!” They stood in the center of the room holding one another, their lips fastened hard, their arms strong around each other. Leda’s hand reached for the buttons on Mitch’s blouse.

“Just stand still,” she said. “Just let me take everything off and look at you. I want to look at you.”

The skirt fell to the floor, and the blouse. Mitch stepped out of her shoes and stood before Leda.

“I want to love you,” Leda said.

Her hands stroked Mitch’s body gently. She leaned over to kiss her lips and her forehead and the closed eyelids. She said her name and held her, feeling the fast beat in her pulse and knowing that she had almost lost her.

The blood beat furiously in Mitch’s throat and she could feel a mounting strength in her legs and arms. With the arrogance of a master, Mitch’s nails dug into Leda’s flesh as she began to pull the sweater and the thin blouse from her shoulders.

Leda’s gasp was one of pleasure and desire and it moved Mitch to more violence, pinning Leda’s wrists behind her back and jerking at her skirt.

Neither of them heard the door open.

Marsha leaned in the window. Leda’s lips were parted, and the blood had run down by her nose. Her eyes were closed. She kept mumbling. They were able to make the mumbling out gradually as it became clearer. “Mitch,” she was saying. “Mitch, honey. Oh, God, Mitch, honey, what did I do to you?”

“She feels bad about Susan Mitchell,” Kitten said.

They listened to Leda as she said more. “I want you, Mitch. Kiss me! It’s going to be all right again. God, Mitch, love me.”

Marsha and Kitten looked at each other with horror-stricken faces.

Kitten said, “Did you hear what I heard?” and the mumbling kept on.“

Now, she’s considered sick and crazy and Mitch needs to heal and gets out of the sorority with Robin’s help, her new independent bedroom colleague.

In the end, the whole love story was a mistake and Mitch realizes she has never loved Leda, just as the publisher has asked.

“ “You’re right,” Dr. Peters agreed. “It’s a big job, too. I don’t know, Ruth. Today I wondered if all our youth hadn’t suddenly turned shallow and callous—after the girls left the hospital and I watched them walk away laughing and chatting like magpies. I wondered where the dignity of youth was nowadays. Well, at any rate, it looks like Susan will have a chance. Leda is another matter. She wants to see Susan—and that’s what I came over about. I’d like to arrange a meeting between the two of them tonight.”

“Is that wise, Ted?”

“I’ve talked to Susan, and I think I know her well enough now to be sure that it’ll be very wise in her case. It’s cruel to ask her to witness the fallen Leda, and yet, perhaps it’s the only way to prove to her once and for all how very sick Leda is and was. The mental sickness is becoming more pronounced than the physical. That wreck didn’t really injure Leda. It awoke her. The neuroses that was growing in her subconscious mind suddenly came to grips with the conscious mind at the time of the wreck. The impact of that meeting is what she can’t bridge. She knows her two selves now, and she can’t assimilate them. It’s very serious, Ruth, and I’m counting on her seeing Susan to help.”

The phone was on the desk, and Dean Paterson reached for it, hesitating a moment before she remembered the number of the dorm where Susan Mitchell was living.

* * *

Mitch finished hanging up the last dress and turned to look at the room in Main Dorm where she had moved. The boxes were empty, and the suitcase had been shoved under the bed by the wall. Robin sat limp in the chair near the desk, her short legs relaxed in front of her, her arms hanging down at the side. “Finally!” she sighed. “I thought we’d never finish.”

“You were wonderful to help, Robin.” “I’d help anyone out of that kind of hell. You should have done it months ago.”

“I guess so,” Mitch agreed. She sat on the bed and flicked the radio on, waiting for it to warm up.

“You know,” Robin said, “Monday night after you didn’t show up here, I thought you’d weakened and changed your mind.”

Mitch got a station that was playing waltz music. She fixed the tone so it was not too loud, and didn’t answer Robin. The Dean had warned her that it would be hard. People would want to know why she had moved out of the sorority.

“Anything new on Leda?”

The question jarred Mitch. She had heard from Dr. Peters that Leda had called for her at the wreck, that she had said all those things about her, crying out her love before she came to in the hospital. Half of Mitch remembered Leda with the raven-colored hair and the keen, delicate hands, the jade eyes and the soft words, but even in that half there was a tinge of bitter irony in Mitch’s memory, flowing into the other half of the remembered Leda. The half that had betrayed her.

“I know you must be worried,” Robin continued. “I never trusted her, myself. There was something about her. But I know you like her.”

“You have to know her,” Mitch said, hoping the dull edge on her words was not obvious to Robin.“

“She knew that if it had been any other way—if Leda Taylor could have been helped, and could have at that moment walked there too and known the peace in the twilight and the first hints of frost on the grass and bushes surrounding Cranston—Mitch would have wanted that. Because it was true what she had told Leda yesterday. She didn’t hate her. She didn’t hate her at all, and she knew then that she had never really loved her.

The End“

And the whole picture of the Era :

“ In the early 1950s new subgenres emerged—science fiction, lesbian fiction, juvenile delinquent and “sleaze”, for instance—that would tantalize readers with gritty, realistic and lurid stories never seen before. Publishers had come to realize that sex sells. In a competitive frenzy for readers, they tossed away their staid and straightforward cover images for alluring covers that frequently featured a sexy woman in some form of undress, along with a suggestive tag line that promised stories of sex and violence within the covers. Before long, books with sensational covers had completely taken over the paperback racks and cash registers. To this day, the cover art of these vintage paperback books are just as sought after as the books themselves were sixty years ago.

With the birth of the lesbian-themed pulp novel, women who loved women would finally see themselves—their experiences and their lives—represented within the pages of a book. They finally had a literature they could call their own. Of course, that’s not what the publishers of the day intended – these books were written primarily for men… indeed shamelessly packaged and published to titillate the male reading public.

Many of the books were written by men using female pseudonyms and were illustrated by cover artists who never read the content between the covers. However, a good percentage (primarily titles from Fawcett’s Gold Medal Books imprint) were written by women, most of whom were lesbians themselves. For lesbians across the country, especially those living isolated lives in small towns, these books provided a sense of community they never knew existed… a connection to women who experienced the same longings, feelings and fears as they did—the powerful knowledge that they were not alone.“

“Focul de primăvară” este primul roman tipărit de lesbiene care a apărut pentru prima dată în 1952 și a vândut un uimitor 1,5 milioane de exemplare. A lansat genul de romane lesbiene și cariera lui Vin Packer, pseudonim pentru prolificul autor Marijane Meaker.

Fiind prima ficțiune de gen pentru genul de lesbiene, mi-a fost cam trist faptul că autorul nu a putut să aleagă destinul personajelor și că a fost forțat să pună pe copertă două femei foarte frumoase și aproape goale Vinde și, de asemenea, nici un sfârșit fericit, nu promovează lesbianismul și unul dintre ei ar trebui să decidă că nu este lesbiană, iar cealaltă ar trebui să fie bolnavă sau nebună.

În noua introducere a cărții, autorul își amintește cum a fost publicată această carte și în ce condiții ea a fost solicitată de către editor:

Mitch se întâlnește cu fratele fraternității Bud al lui Jake, totuși nu merge mai departe cu el și are un incident, pentru că tipul cel mare se simte rănit în ego-ul său prin respingerea ei și creează o mizerie întreagă și un mic scandal pentru a forța pe Mitch să Cel puțin să-l întâlnească, dar Mitch îl iubește pe Leda, o declară la ea și chiar îi scrie o scrisoare care va fi disprețul ei.

Se va întâlni cu alți tipi grozavi care nu sunt afiliați ai fraternității, Charlie și Lucifer, dar nu le poate iubi fizic și mental, înțelege atracția pentru femei și dragostea ei pentru Leda. Iubirea lor, gelozia lor sunt stări normale ale minții și cuplului, dar de atunci păreau suprarealiste.

Leda continuă o viață fără iubire in care se întâlnește cu tipul de sororitate până la accidentul în care este rănită grav, iar în trauma respectivă vorbește cuvinte pe care ea nu ar trebui să le spună și surorile ei de sororire înțeleg că ea este cea care a corupt-o pe Mitch în lesbianism, iar faptul că poate fi iubire consimțită și că le-au prins-o pe Mitch și Leda împreună, iar Mitch a fost atacatorul, iar Leda a fost considerată victima atunci când a trădat-o pe Mitch, arătându-i fiecărei scrisori de dragoste lui Mitch.

Marsha se aplecă pe fereastră. Buzele Leda erau despărțite și sângele îi fugise de nas. Ochii ei erau închise. Continuă să mormăie. Ei au reușit să facă mișcarea treptat, pe măsură ce devine mai clară. – Mitch, spunea ea. – Mitch, dragă … Oh, Doamne, Mitch, dragă, ce ți-am făcut?

– Se simte rău în legătură cu Susan Mitchell, spuse Kitten.

Ele au ascultat-o pe Leda, când a spus mai mult. “Te vreau, Mitch, sărută-mă, va fi din nou în regulă, Dumnezeule, Mitch, iubește- mă”.

Marsha și Kitten se priveau una pe celălaltă cu chipuri groaznice.

Kitten spuse: – Ai auzit ce am auzit? Și mormăitul a continuat

Acum, ea este considerată bolnavă și nebună și Mitch trebuie să se vindece și să iasă din sororitate cu ajutorul lui Robin, noua sa colegă din dormitoroarele independente.

În cele din urmă, întreaga poveste de dragoste a fost o greșeală și Mitch realizează că nu a iubit-o niciodată pe Leda, așa cum a cerut editorul.

May 28, 2017 0

She said, she said! – Passionate short lesbian movie with Marisa Tomei & Elodie Bouchez

Who would of thought : Marisa Tomei in a lesbian short film!!! Stunning, sexy, funny and so very beautiful. Together with Elodie Bouchez they are one amazingly refined lesbian couple on the edge of divorce.

I loved each sensual look, every romantic scene and the attraction between Marishka (Marisa Tomei) and Eloise (Elodie Bouchez) when they meet at the mediator.

An enchanting short film that speaks of lesbian love, divorce, rejoin and how attractive, soft, sweet and sensual it can be a woman loving another woman and also, how funny it is to think on how a divorce should feel and how they must split things and how each personal thing is a strong memory of their love and how it brings all those memories back all together and reminds them of their love and their passion and the truth of their relationship.

Sexy, passionate,classy and funny.

Enjoy She said, she said!

Other cast : Aubrey Plaza (the hot dog walker) and David Wain (the mediator)

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Cine s-ar fi gândit: Marisa Tomei într-un scurtmetraj lesbian! Uimitoare, sexy, amuzante și foarte frumose. Împreună cu Elodie Bouchez, ele sunt un cuplu de lesbiene rafinate care se iubesc, dar se gasesc la marginea divorțului.

Mi-a plăcut fiecare aspect senzual, fiecare scenă romantică și atracția dintre Marishka (Marisa Tomei) și Eloise (Elodie Bouchez) când se întâlnesc la mediator.

Un film scurt incantator care vorbeste despre dragoste lesbiana, divorț, regăsire și cât de atractive, emoționant, dulce și senzuală poate fi relația dintr-o femeie care iubeste o alta femeie și cât de amuzant este sa te gandesti la modul in care un divorț ar trebui sa simta si cum trebuie să se imparta lucrurile și modul în care fiecare lucru personal este o amintire puternică a dragostei lor și cum toate aceste amintiri le readuc înapoi împreună și le amintește de iubirea lor și de pasiunea lor și de adevărul relației lor.
Sexy, pasionat, stilat și amuzant.
Bucură-te de ˝She said, she said!˝

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¿Quién lo pensaría: Marisa Tomei en un cortometraje lesbiano !!! Impresionante, sexy, divertido y muy hermosa. Junto con Elodie Bouchez son una pareja lesbiana increíblemente refinada en el borde del divorcio.

Amaba cada mirada sensual, cada escena romántica y la atracción entre Marishka (Marisa Tomei) y Eloise (Elodie Bouchez) cuando se encuentran con el mediador.

Un encantador cortometraje que habla del amor lesbiano, divorcio, reencuentro y lo atractivo, suave, dulce y sensual que puede ser la relaccion entre una mujer que ama a otra mujer y también, lo gracioso que es pensar en cómo debe sentirse el divorcio y cómo deben dividirse las cosas y cómo cada cosa personal es un fuerte recuerdo de su amor y cómo todos esos recuerdos los traen de nuevo juntas y les recuerda de su amor y su pasión y la verdad de su relación.

Atractivo, apasionado, con clase y divertido.

Disfruta ˝She said, she said˝!

https://vimeo.com/61310168

May 14, 2017 0

Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love – Debbie and Maria

It’s been a long time since I wanted to see a lesbian love movie themed on a tennis player as main character.Sports and athletes have always had something special about them, a talent, a charisma and some of them are treated as VIP’s, because they are brought on the edge of success their talents, but very often have a bad character and a weak personality, as vicious. It isn’t the case.

It is intriguing to view a movie about 2 women : Maria, a very talented and very beautiful tennis player with diva allure and a very strong will and Debbie, a lines woman with average looks , without anything visible special, but her beautiful soul, and who is surely captivated by the famous tennis player, after an unpleasant moment. It is a very beautiful love story as we see the fame, fortune, talent and beauty surrender to love.

Here’s the Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love short film :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1uUxZZm-n0

De mult timp mi am dorit sa vad un film despre o iubire lesbi in care personajul principal sa fie o jucatoare de tenis. Sportul si atletii, in general, au ceva special, talent, carisma si unii dintre ei si ele sunt tratati ca VIP-uri, deoarece au reusit sa si dezvolte talentul si sa evolueze in asa fel incat sa ajunga pe culmile succesului, dar de cele mai multe ori au un caracter urat sau o personalitate slaba, in sensul de vicioasa. Dar acesta nu este cazul.

Este intrigant sa vezi un film despre doua femei : Maria, o foarte talentata si foarte frumoasa jucatoare de tenis cu alura de diva si cu o determinare deosebita si Debbie, un arbitru de linie cu o infatisare obisnuita, fara nimic vizibil special, inafara de frumusetea sufletului, si care este captivata de faimoasa jucatoare de tenis, dupa un eveniment nefericit. Este o foarte frumoasa poveste de dragoste, deoarece vedem cum faima, bogatia si frumusetea se predau iubirii.

Aici puteti vedea filmul scurt – Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1uUxZZm-n0

April 22, 2017 0

Love’s Harvest by Peggy J. Hering

“Twilight in Burgundy cast an almost mystic spell over the chateau as they innocently slept. Morning was sure to arrive much too soon.”

“Love’s harvest” it’s such a delight to read, it takes us to the beautiful French wine lands of Burgundy at the Jeton Winery and chateau and envelopes a beautiful romance between Nicole Jeton and Camille Cartier, such different characters, yet so alike at heart trying to keep up the familly name and fame through hard work at the winery and leaving herself no time, but to take care of her sick father and paying debts for her depravate brother.

““You make me feel so different,” Nicole said afterward.

“As if nothing else matters as long as I have you.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Bad?” Nicole said. “No, not at all. Just different.”

Camille raised herself up, arms outstretched on either side of Nicole’s body. “I’m in love with you,” Camille said.

Nicole was quiet, but put her arms around her neck and hugged her. Camil e took the silence to mean that Nicole, in return, was not in love with her. She accepted that easily enough, rationalizing that it was much too soon. They had only known each other a few weeks.”

Peggy J. Hering takes us easily on the vaste fields of Burgundy at the beautiful Jeton estate that owns a winery for more family generations, yet with a secret to hide, where we find Nicole Jeton caring for the winery and allowing little time for herself and her desires.

I enjoyed their looks too, a blonde and a brunette together always spices things up.

I find the landscape truly amazing and the integration of the characters into it is quie without a trace, like a slow flow. Nicole’s character reveals strength of will built from the need to prove the world that the Jetons are not known only for the murder that happened a long time ago, nor for the ghost of Eva, murdered by her brother, that keeps hunting the chateau and Nicole by keeping away the dangers.

Camille Cartier is a very down to earth individual, a woman who knows her own will and desires, lives in Paris and works as an editor for a firm, she gets to know Nicole at one of her cousin’s Marguerite’s parties and finds her incredibly attractive and somwhow wants to follow her wherever she may go.

““It’s not always like this for me,” Nicole whispered. She had such emotion in her voice that Camille wasn’t sure if she would cry or not. “I feel so different with you. So different.”

She kissed Camille slowly, letting the softness of their lips arouse them both all over again.

Camille squirmed delightedly under her, holding Nicole’s face in her hands and loving those blue eyes that seemed to come to life so easily.”

“Afterward, Nicole held her and they drifted to sleep, entwined in each other’s arms.

Camille snuggled and nuzzled into the soft curve of her neck and shoulder, feeling safe and wanted. They didn’t stir for hours.”

Nicole needs to fight with the ghosts of her past, present and future as she want Cammile and seduces her, somehow everything comes without warning at an unnapropriate moment in her life as her father is dying, the winery can be lost because of her brother, who wants to take all the family money for himself and with his new lover to go and create a new winery in California, yet somehow Nicole got used to her brother’s habbits to disappear for few years to spend money and then return and ask for more in the name of the first male born.

Antoine is Nicole’s best friend and cellar master of the Jeton winery and Lalo’s (Nicole’s brother) former lover remained at the chateau and winery to help out and somehow integrate and find a familly in Nicole.

Nicole is stubborn and unselfish and only thinks of the family’s well care, yet her true love seems to be slipping through her fingers, because she somehow doesn’t want to involve Cammile in her familly’s mess. Yet, Cammile knows she’s in love with Nicole from their very first night together and Nicole also knows from Cammile’s very first touch that her touch means love and wanting and Cammile is ready to help Nicole in whatever case is necessary. The two women have their upp’s and down’s while Antoine helps them to get together and solve things out.

„”Hello.”

“Camille,” came that wonderful voice that could make her weak all over. It was Nicole, sounding small and upset. “Forgive me for interrupting your party, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Camille felt the warmth rush through her as the words registered quickly. She sank even farther into the fur, oblivious to its effect on her allergies. “Nicole,” she said.

“I just wanted to hear your voice again. Have I made a terrible mess of things? Don’t answer,” Nicole said quickly. “I know I have.”

Thoughts of the gypsy came to Camille, and the insistent warning of prevailing evil surrounding them made her snap to attention.

“You’re in danger, Nicole. I know it. I can feel it.” She didn’t have the nerve to say a gypsy had told her so.

“Danger? Don’t be silly. Everything is fine here. That woman in your apartment earlier,” Nicole said sheepishly, “who was she?”

Camille listened closely, but didn’t quite connect with the question for a moment. She was still in shock at hearing from Nicole again so soon. Camille smiled as she remembered. Nicole’s confession of being so possessive.

Could she be jealous? Camille mused. How wonderfully juvenile. “That was Monique.” The words my sister would not pass through her lips. Not yet anyway. Nicole had to make the next move. “Monique and I came to the party together.”

“I see,” Nicole said crisply. “How long have you known her?”

“All my life. We’re very close.” It was not like Camille to play these adolescent games, but she felt as though Nicole had brought it all on herself. As she stood there among the various assortment of raincoats and furs, the word evil again stayed fresh in her mind, amplifying itself as she touched the door. Nicole was in danger. Evil could mean so many things. It could even be Eva, she thought suddenly. Aren’t ghosts and spirits evil?

“How is Eva?” Camille asked urgently.

“Eva is fine. It’s quiet here now. She’s restless when Lalo is around, so he stays at the

winery with his new friend.”

Maybe Lalo was the evil the gypsy had referred to, Camille reasoned. She claimed to have seen a tall, handsome man in the crystal ball. Camille rolled her eyes. Am I really believing this? she wondered, but somehow it just seemed silly to take chances.

“You’re in danger, Nicole. I’ll be out of town tomorrow, but I’l call you. Please be careful.”

“Where are you going?” Nicole demanded. “Camil e,” she said desperately, “please. Who is this Monique person? Are you going away with her?”

Camille felt lightheaded as she listened. The desperation in Nicole’s voice registered

plainly and gave her hope.

In the end, I enjoyed that what happened between Eva and her brother Phillipe has been repeated trhough the generations as inherited by Nicole and Lalo, when he tried to strangle his sister because he couldn’t overcame her talent for wine nor for her strength to keep up the familly name.

““Eva comes to me often,” she whispered. “She’s there in the chateau, walking the halls at night. She was there when I showed you my grandfather’s portrait.”

Camille trembled in her arms, and Nicole pulled a blanket up over them.

“She likes you. Don’t be afraid.” Nicole tightened her arms around her. “After my grandfather strangled her, he was never the same. It haunted him the rest of his life and he never quite recovered from it.”

“Did you ever hear an explanation about why he killed her?”

“Several. The most commonly discussed has been

jealousy,” Nicole said. “Philippe was jealous of Eva’s ability to run things without him. He would disappear for weeks at a time. No one knew where he was. There were rumors of a mistress and then rumors of foreign exports, but he never confirmed anything. Eva took care of the family business whenever he was gone. There was no one else able to do those things then. Their parents were old, and there were other children who were much younger.” Nicole’s voice was soft but steady. “One night Philippe returned after having been gone for a month. He rode up on his horse and stormed the stairs of the chateau to the second floor. He and Eva had a terrible quarrel. When the servants found them Philippe still had his hands clamped around her throat. She was dead.”

Camille buried herself deeper into Nicole’s arms. “What happened to him? Did he go to jail?”

“Nothing happened to him. The family kept it a secret for years. With enough money you can buy silence.” Nicole kissed the top of Camille’s head again and rubbed her cheek against her hair. “Lalo, my brother, always wanted to be like him,” Nicole continued softly.

“He’s wanted that more than anything. When he was younger Lalo would stare at the portrait for hours. He combed his hair the same way. Often wore similar clothes. He was so proud of the resemblance between them. He sees Philippe as this masculine hero who built the family fortune from nothing. My grandfather grieved for his sister for many years.

They apparently had been very close when they were younger. Philippe finally married and became the man my father idolized and talked about. The Philippe Jeton the villageremembers wasn’t a murderer. He was a hero. And that’s the man Lalo wants to be like.

The hero.” Nicole hugged her again and laughed. “But Eva’s spirit never let any of us forget what really happened that night. Lalo has trouble accepting Eva’s place in our family’s history. I always remind him that there would be no Jeton Vineyards if Eva hadn’t kept things going when Philippe would disappear for weeks at a time. My father eventually came to realize that I was right. Eva belongs there in the chateau as much as any of us do. Even now.”

March 17, 2017 0

Ink marks on empty dreams

I am a footstep on the sands of time, I am an ink mark on an empty paper, without stanzas, without rhymes

Entangled by Maria V. Ciletti

Gypsy 2017 – The great Naomi Watts shows many faces and a lesbian love

A kiss doesn’t lie by Robin Alexander

Awol – 2017 lesbian movie

Spring fire by Vin Packer

She said, she said! – Passionate short lesbian movie with Marisa Tomei & Elodie Bouchez

Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love – Debbie and Maria

Love’s Harvest by Peggy J. Hering

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