Ink marks on empty dreams

I am a footstep on the sands of time, I am an ink mark on an empty paper, without stanzas, without rhymes

Awol – 2017 lesbian movie

The Australian drama „Awol” tells the story of a young woman named Johanna „Joey”, aged around 18 or 19 years old,   played by Lola Kirke. She is at the crossroads of life just after her teenage years, just finishing highschool and in search of direction in her small town just like her grandmother would wish.



A visit to an army recruiting office appears to provide a path, but when she meets and falls in love with  27 years old Rayna played by Breeda Wool, that path diverges in ways that neither woman anticipates. Rayna is married of convenience with a truckdriver and has children,yet her passion for Joey amazes her and makes her want a whole new life with her lover, yet still she doesn`t want to ruin her young lover`s future.

awol rayna-4


The love they live makes them forget parts of their commitments : Rayna`s for her children and Joey`s for the army and they leave the Appalachia small town for Canada.

Loved the rural theme and how souls are divided in between earth, poverty, love and guilt of social commitment.

joey and rayna awol

A new breath on the lesbian movie small and  big screens. How will it end? Just watch it !

Awool - Wool-and-Kirke


AWOL — which has been honored by the Kansas City LGBT Film Festival, qFLIX Philadelphia, and the North Carolina Gay & Lesbian Film Festival — got its start as a short film at Sundance in 2011. At a Q&A after the feature-length film’s world premiere at the Tribeca this spring, Deb Shoval noted that AWOL, which is an indulgent yet brief 80 minutes, took an arduous four years to make.

awol 2017

The movie was directed by Deb Shoval, making her feature directorial debut by adapting her own short film of the same name. The screenplay was written by  and Deb Shoval.

Trailer :

Sources :


Spring fire by Vin Packer

“Spring fire“ is the first lesbian paperback novel that first appeared in 1952 and sold an amazing 1.5 million copies. It launched the genre of lesbian novels and the career of Vin Packer, pseudonym for prolific author Marijane Meaker.

Being the first lesbian novel pulp fiction of the genre, it made me kind of sad that the author couldn’t actually choose the destiny of the characters and that was also forced to put two very beautiful and almost naked women on the cover as it would sell and also, no happy ending, do not promote lesbianism and one of them should decide she is no lesbian and the other is supposed to be sick or crazy.

In the new introduction of the book, the author remembers how this book was published and which conditions she was asked by the publisher :

“You might have a good story there“, Dick said, “but you`d have to do two things. The girls would have to be in college, not boarding school. And, you cannot make homosexuality attractive. No happy ending“

“In other words, my heroine has to decide she’s really not queer“

“That’s it. And the one she’s involved with is sick or crazy.“

And the title is chosen to create confusion and sell better.

“I want to call it Spring Fire, Dick said.

What? What does that even mean?

It means there’s a big seller by James Michener called The Fires Of Spring, and we might pick up a few readers who confuse the titles.“


“Spring fire“ is the typical sorority love story, but this time between two girls : Susan Mitchel (“Mitch“), the butch style freshman, and Leda Taylor , the queen of Tri Ep sorority. They are supposed to date fraternity guys and Leda does date Jake.

Mitch is accepted by the sorority only because her father is rich and she will bring the sorority sisters fame and the so much desired silvery, yet in Leda’s eyes there is so much more, and it’s actually Leda who corrupts Mitch and the foolish girl falls in love with her, yet Leda cannot accept the term nor the life as a lesbian couple.

“Don’t,” Leda said, her arm catching the girl’s waist. Mitch turned on her side, facing Leda, feeling the hand rub her back. It was quiet and warm. Leda moved her hand forward and ran her fingers lightly over the buttons on Mitch’s pajama top. Then, gently, she slipped the round, plastic buttons from their loops, leaving the coat open. Almost as if Mitch knew what would follow, she held the top of the sheet back while Leda moved down and lightly kissed Mitch’s breasts. A soft sigh broke free from Mitch’s throat and evolved into a plaintive cry. Leda pulled herself up and her lips found Mitch’s and crushed them, burning and moist.

“Mitch,” Leda whispered, and they held each other fast and hard. “Mitch.”


Leda was not a man, and yet, when she had awakened her, Mitch turned to her and they were not friends then, but lovers. Mitch became separate as a person at last. She was not separate from Leda, but individual and one. She was wanted and she wanted, and it was not a want striped with fear and hurt It was a fragile want to be nurtured and cared for, as Leda had then in bed.

“I never kissed a girl,” Leda had said afterward. “I’m sorry I did it to you, kid.”

There was something wrong and ill in the two of them then like that, Mitch knew, but what? When she was a child, near the dam where she had gone with her father, on the worn lead pipe there were words written and she had said, “What do they mean?” They were bad words, he explained, and there was that about his explanation that made her feel guilty, as though she had taken the white chalk and put the words there. Leda was sorry, so she knew what was wrong.

 Like you’ve been doing, Mitch. I couldn’t love you if you were a Lesbian.”

“I’m not,” Mitch said, wondering what the word meant “I’m not. I—I just haven’t met a man yet who makes me feel the way you do.”

“Maybe you don’t give them a chance,” Leda answered. “Come on now. Let’s go to bed. God, it’s three-thirty.”

They tiptoed up the back steps and down the quiet, dimly lighted hall to their room. Leda pulled the covers back and fell into her bed. She murmured a tired good night, and her eyes closed and her breathing came heavily. Mitch did not sleep. She lay tossing about on her bed across from Leda, her mind running through the incidents of the evening to review them and examine them. There was only a fragmentary edge left to the sensuous memory of her loving Leda, and looming now in a sick foreground there was this word.

Slowly Mitch got up and went to the bookshelf, taking from it the blue book, and leafing through it, holding it near the flash that Leda had left on the desk.

Les’bian (lezTrian) adj. 1. Of or pertaining to Lesbos (now Mytilene), one of the Aegean Islands. 2. Erotic;—in allusion to the reputed sensuality of the people of Lesbos.

Mitch closed the book and stood staring at the bare light of the street lamp in front of Epsilon Epsilon Epsilon. She could hear Leda’s breath coming slower now and more evenly, in deep sleep, and the dictionary had told her nothing.

The female homosexual, the Lesbian, often preys on girls who are not true homosexuals. Such girls may enjoy men, and be capable of normal heterosexual life if they do not become involved with a genuine Lesbian type, whose technique is often more skillful than that of many of her young men suitors.”

Men come first with me.

Maybe it was natural.

“A normal man finds sex with this type of woman extremely difficult if not impossible.”

I can’t.

No, I just can’t!

“Many times, under the proper circumstances, a female homosexual may learn to control, if not eliminate, her active homosexual tendencies once she is removed from an environment where the temptation is great In the case of…”“


Mitch has encounters with Jake’s fraternity brother Bud, yet she doesn’t go further with him and she has an incident, because the big guy feels hurt in his ego by her rejection and creates a whole mess and a little scandal to force Mitch to at least date him, yet Mitch loves Leda, declares it to her and even writes her a letter that will be her doom.

Dear Leda,

This letter is for you alone. Please tear it up when you are through.

More than anything else I want you to understand what I’m going to say here, and why I’m saying it. I want to leave the sorority and become an independent.

Maybe it’ll be the best thing for me, and maybe it’ll be just another defeat, but I have to do it. Leda, darling, you know that I love you. You know it, even though I haven’t shown it in the past few days. I’ve been worried and afraid, and now I know for sure what’s wrong with me. I suppose I should go to a doctor, but I don’t have the nerve, and I’m going to try to help myself as best I can.

Lesbian is an ugly word and I hate it. But that’s what I am, Leda, and my feelings toward you are homosexual. I had no business to ask you to stop seeing Jake, to try to turn you into what I am, but please believe me, I didn’t know myself what I was doing. I guess I’m young and stupid and naive about life, and I know that you warned me about the direction my life was taking when you told me to get to know men. I tried, Leda. But it was awful. Even Charlie knows what I am now. I think that if I go to an independent house, away from you, the only person I love, I’ll be able to forget some of the temptation. If I stay in the sorority, I’ll only make you unhappy and hurt you. I love you too much to do that

Please announce that I am leaving during the chapter meeting tonight Don’t tell them why, please, because I want to straighten myself out and I don’t want people to know. Tell them that I thank them for all they’ve done, but that I’d rather live somewhere else because I don’t fit in here.

I know how you’ll feel about me after reading this. I’ll try to stay out of your way. Tonight I am going to eat dinner downtown, and then during chapter meeting I’ll pack most of my things and move to the hotel until I get a room at the dorm. Robin Maurer is going to help me.

There’s nothing else to say but good-by, I’m sorry, and I do love you, Leda.



She will meet other great guys that are not fraternity affiliates, Charlie and Lucifer, yet she cannot physically nor mentally love them, she understands her attraction for women and her love for Leda. Their lovemaking, their jealousy are normal states of mind and couple, yet back then they seemed surreal.

Leda continues a loveless life dating sorority guy until the accident where she’s badly injured and in that trauma she speaks words she shouldn’t have and her sorority sisters understand that she is the one that corrupted Mitch into lesbianism, as they couldn’t conceive the fact that it can be consented and,  as they have caught Mitch and Leda together and Mitch was the attacker and Leda was considered the victim as she betrayed Mitch, by showing everyone Mitch’s love letter to her.

mitch and ledajpg

“”Maybe I’m trying to prove something to myself. Part of me is trying to say that I’m not what I am. That’s the part of me that everyone knows—the alluring Leda, the queen, Jan’s daughter, an apple never falls far from the tree. Out with Jake every damn day to keep myself away from what I really am. Want to know what sex with him is like? It’s like dry bread, that’s what it’s like. Like dry bread!”

Leda got up from the bed and reached for her cigarettes on the desk. She felt relieved, cleansed, as though her mind had been emptied and she was free. She walked over to the suitcase on Mitch’s bed and picked up the clothing, taking it in her arms to the drawer. “You want this all put back, don’t you?” she said to Mitch. “You won’t leave me?”

“No,” Mitch said. “I’m going. Robin arranged everything, and—oh, Leda!” They stood in the center of the room holding one another, their lips fastened hard, their arms strong around each other. Leda’s hand reached for the buttons on Mitch’s blouse.

“Just stand still,” she said. “Just let me take everything off and look at you. I want to look at you.”

The skirt fell to the floor, and the blouse. Mitch stepped out of her shoes and stood before Leda.

“I want to love you,” Leda said.

Her hands stroked Mitch’s body gently. She leaned over to kiss her lips and her forehead and the closed eyelids. She said her name and held her, feeling the fast beat in her pulse and knowing that she had almost lost her.

The blood beat furiously in Mitch’s throat and she could feel a mounting strength in her legs and arms. With the arrogance of a master, Mitch’s nails dug into Leda’s flesh as she began to pull the sweater and the thin blouse from her shoulders.

Leda’s gasp was one of pleasure and desire and it moved Mitch to more violence, pinning Leda’s wrists behind her back and jerking at her skirt.

Neither of them heard the door open.


Marsha leaned in the window. Leda’s lips were parted, and the blood had run down by her nose. Her eyes were closed. She kept mumbling. They were able to make the mumbling out gradually as it became clearer. “Mitch,” she was saying. “Mitch, honey. Oh, God, Mitch, honey, what did I do to you?”

“She feels bad about Susan Mitchell,” Kitten said.

They listened to Leda as she said more. “I want you, Mitch. Kiss me! It’s going to be all right again. God, Mitch, love me.”

Marsha and Kitten looked at each other with horror-stricken faces.

Kitten said, “Did you hear what I heard?” and the mumbling kept on.


Now, she’s considered sick and crazy and Mitch needs to heal and gets out of the sorority with Robin’s help, her new independent bedroom colleague.

In the end, the whole love story was a mistake and Mitch realizes she has never loved Leda, just as the publisher has asked.


“ “You’re right,” Dr. Peters agreed. “It’s a big job, too. I don’t know, Ruth. Today I wondered if all our youth hadn’t suddenly turned shallow and callous—after the girls left the hospital and I watched them walk away laughing and chatting like magpies. I wondered where the dignity of youth was nowadays. Well, at any rate, it looks like Susan will have a chance. Leda is another matter. She wants to see Susan—and that’s what I came over about. I’d like to arrange a meeting between the two of them tonight.”

“Is that wise, Ted?”

“I’ve talked to Susan, and I think I know her well enough now to be sure that it’ll be very wise in her case. It’s cruel to ask her to witness the fallen Leda, and yet, perhaps it’s the only way to prove to her once and for all how very sick Leda is and was. The mental sickness is becoming more pronounced than the physical. That wreck didn’t really injure Leda. It awoke her. The neuroses that was growing in her subconscious mind suddenly came to grips with the conscious mind at the time of the wreck. The impact of that meeting is what she can’t bridge. She knows her two selves now, and she can’t assimilate them. It’s very serious, Ruth, and I’m counting on her seeing Susan to help.”

The phone was on the desk, and Dean Paterson reached for it, hesitating a moment before she remembered the number of the dorm where Susan Mitchell was living.

* * *

Mitch finished hanging up the last dress and turned to look at the room in Main Dorm where she had moved. The boxes were empty, and the suitcase had been shoved under the bed by the wall. Robin sat limp in the chair near the desk, her short legs relaxed in front of her, her arms hanging down at the side. “Finally!” she sighed. “I thought we’d never finish.”

“You were wonderful to help, Robin.” “I’d help anyone out of that kind of hell. You should have done it months ago.”

“I guess so,” Mitch agreed. She sat on the bed and flicked the radio on, waiting for it to warm up.

“You know,” Robin said, “Monday night after you didn’t show up here, I thought you’d weakened and changed your mind.”

Mitch got a station that was playing waltz music. She fixed the tone so it was not too loud, and didn’t answer Robin. The Dean had warned her that it would be hard. People would want to know why she had moved out of the sorority.

“Anything new on Leda?”

The question jarred Mitch. She had heard from Dr. Peters that Leda had called for her at the wreck, that she had said all those things about her, crying out her love before she came to in the hospital. Half of Mitch remembered Leda with the raven-colored hair and the keen, delicate hands, the jade eyes and the soft words, but even in that half there was a tinge of bitter irony in Mitch’s memory, flowing into the other half of the remembered Leda. The half that had betrayed her.

“I know you must be worried,” Robin continued. “I never trusted her, myself. There was something about her. But I know you like her.”

“You have to know her,” Mitch said, hoping the dull edge on her words was not obvious to Robin.

“She knew that if it had been any other way—if Leda Taylor could have been helped, and could have at that moment walked there too and known the peace in the twilight and the first hints of frost on the grass and bushes surrounding Cranston—Mitch would have wanted that. Because it was true what she had told Leda yesterday. She didn’t hate her. She didn’t hate her at all, and she knew then that she had never really loved her.

The End“

vintage lesbians


And the whole picture of the Era :

In the early 1950s new subgenres emerged—science fiction, lesbian fiction, juvenile delinquent and “sleaze”, for instance—that would tantalize readers with gritty, realistic and lurid stories never seen before. Publishers had come to realize that sex sells. In a competitive frenzy for readers, they tossed away their staid and straightforward cover images for alluring covers that frequently featured a sexy woman in some form of undress, along with a suggestive tag line that promised stories of sex and violence within the covers. Before long, books with sensational covers had completely taken over the paperback racks and cash registers. To this day, the cover art of these vintage paperback books are just as sought after as the books themselves were sixty years ago.

With the birth of the lesbian-themed pulp novel, women who loved women would finally see themselves—their experiences and their lives—represented within the pages of a book. They finally had a literature they could call their own. Of course, that’s not what the publishers of the day intended – these books were written primarily for men… indeed shamelessly packaged and published to titillate the male reading public.

Many of the books were written by men using female pseudonyms and were illustrated by cover artists who never read the content between the covers. However, a good percentage (primarily titles from Fawcett’s Gold Medal Books imprint) were written by women, most of whom were lesbians themselves. For lesbians across the country, especially those living isolated lives in small towns, these books provided a sense of community they never knew existed… a connection to women who experienced the same longings, feelings and fears as they did—the powerful knowledge that they were not alone.


“Focul de primăvară” este primul roman tipărit de lesbiene care a apărut pentru prima dată în 1952 și a vândut un uimitor 1,5 milioane de exemplare. A lansat genul de romane lesbiene și cariera lui Vin Packer, pseudonim pentru prolificul autor Marijane Meaker.

Fiind prima ficțiune de gen pentru genul de lesbiene, mi-a fost cam trist faptul că autorul nu a putut să aleagă destinul personajelor și că a fost forțat să pună pe copertă două femei foarte frumoase și aproape goale Vinde și, de asemenea, nici un sfârșit fericit, nu promovează lesbianismul și unul dintre ei ar trebui să decidă că nu este lesbiană, iar cealaltă ar trebui să fie bolnavă sau nebună.

În noua introducere a cărții, autorul își amintește cum a fost publicată această carte și în ce condiții ea a fost solicitată de către editor:

Mitch se întâlnește cu fratele fraternității Bud al lui Jake, totuși nu merge mai departe cu el și are un incident, pentru că tipul cel mare se simte rănit în ego-ul său prin respingerea ei și creează o mizerie întreagă și un mic scandal pentru a forța pe Mitch să Cel puțin să-l întâlnească, dar Mitch îl iubește pe Leda, o declară la ea și chiar îi scrie o scrisoare care va fi disprețul ei.

Se va întâlni cu alți tipi grozavi care nu sunt afiliați ai fraternității, Charlie și Lucifer, dar nu le poate iubi fizic și mental, înțelege atracția pentru femei și dragostea ei pentru Leda. Iubirea lor, gelozia lor sunt stări normale ale minții și cuplului, dar de atunci păreau suprarealiste.

Leda continuă o viață fără iubire in care se întâlnește cu tipul de sororitate până la accidentul în care este rănită grav, iar în trauma respectivă vorbește cuvinte pe care ea nu ar trebui să le spună și surorile ei de sororire înțeleg că ea este cea care a corupt-o pe Mitch în lesbianism, iar faptul că  poate fi iubire consimțită și că le-au prins-o pe Mitch și Leda împreună, iar Mitch a fost atacatorul, iar Leda a fost considerată victima atunci când a trădat-o pe Mitch, arătându-i fiecărei scrisori de dragoste lui Mitch.

Marsha se aplecă pe fereastră. Buzele Leda erau despărțite și sângele îi fugise de nas. Ochii ei erau închise. Continuă să mormăie. Ei au reușit să facă mișcarea treptat, pe măsură ce devine mai clară. – Mitch, spunea ea. – Mitch, dragă … Oh, Doamne, Mitch, dragă, ce ți-am făcut?

– Se simte rău în legătură cu Susan Mitchell, spuse Kitten.

Ele au ascultat-o ​​pe Leda, când a spus mai mult. “Te vreau, Mitch, sărută-mă, va fi din nou în regulă, Dumnezeule, Mitch, iubește- mă”.

Marsha și Kitten se priveau una pe celălaltă cu chipuri groaznice.

Kitten spuse: – Ai auzit ce am auzit? Și mormăitul a continuat

Acum, ea este considerată bolnavă și nebună și Mitch trebuie să se vindece și să iasă din sororitate cu ajutorul lui Robin, noua sa colegă din dormitoroarele independente.

În cele din urmă, întreaga poveste de dragoste a fost o greșeală și Mitch realizează că nu a iubit-o niciodată pe Leda, așa cum a cerut editorul.

She said, she said! – Passionate short lesbian movie with Marisa Tomei & Elodie Bouchez

Who would of thought :  Marisa Tomei in a lesbian short film!!! Stunning, sexy, funny and so very beautiful. Together with Elodie Bouchez they are one amazingly refined lesbian couple on the edge of divorce.

marishka and eloise marisa tomei and elodie bouchez she said she said

I loved each sensual look, every romantic scene and the attraction between      Marishka (Marisa Tomei) and Eloise (Elodie Bouchez) when they meet at the mediator.

An enchanting short film that speaks of lesbian love, divorce, rejoin and how attractive, soft, sweet and sensual it can be a woman loving another woman and also, how funny it is to think on how a divorce should feel and how they must split things and how each personal thing is a strong memory of their love and how it brings all those memories back all together and reminds them of their love and their passion and the truth of their relationship.

marisa tomei she said she said

Sexy, passionate,classy  and funny.

Enjoy She said, she said!

Other cast : Aubrey Plaza (the hot dog walker) and David Wain (the mediator)


Cine s-ar fi gândit: Marisa Tomei într-un scurtmetraj lesbian! Uimitoare, sexy, amuzante și foarte frumose. Împreună cu Elodie Bouchez, ele sunt un cuplu de lesbiene rafinate care se iubesc, dar se gasesc la marginea divorțului.

Mi-a plăcut fiecare aspect senzual, fiecare scenă romantică și atracția dintre Marishka (Marisa Tomei) și Eloise (Elodie Bouchez) când se întâlnesc la mediator.

marisa tomei she said she said3
Un film scurt incantator care vorbeste despre dragoste lesbiana, divorț, regăsire și cât de atractive, emoționant, dulce și senzuală poate fi relația dintr-o femeie care iubeste o alta femeie și cât de amuzant este sa te gandesti la modul in care un divorț ar trebui sa simta si cum trebuie să se imparta lucrurile și modul în care fiecare lucru personal este o amintire puternică a dragostei lor și cum toate aceste amintiri le readuc înapoi împreună și le amintește de iubirea lor și de pasiunea lor și de adevărul relației lor.
Sexy, pasionat, stilat și amuzant.
Bucură-te de ˝She said, she said!˝

marisa tomei`s hands she said she said


¿Quién lo pensaría: Marisa Tomei en un cortometraje lesbiano !!! Impresionante, sexy, divertido y muy hermosa. Junto con Elodie Bouchez son una pareja lesbiana increíblemente refinada en el borde del divorcio.

marisa tomei`s hands she said she said
Amaba cada mirada sensual, cada escena romántica y la atracción entre Marishka (Marisa Tomei) y Eloise (Elodie Bouchez) cuando se encuentran con el mediador.

Un encantador cortometraje que habla del amor lesbiano, divorcio, reencuentro y lo atractivo, suave, dulce y sensual que puede ser la relaccion entre una mujer que ama a otra mujer y también, lo gracioso que es pensar en cómo debe sentirse el divorcio y cómo deben dividirse las cosas y cómo cada cosa personal es un fuerte recuerdo de su amor y cómo todos esos recuerdos los traen de nuevo juntas y les recuerda de su amor y su pasión y la verdad de su relación.

marishka and eloise touch leg she said she said

Atractivo, apasionado, con clase y divertido.

Disfruta ˝She said, she said˝!


Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love – Debbie and Maria

It’s been a long time since I wanted to see a lesbian love movie themed on a tennis player as main character.Sports and athletes have always had something special about them, a talent, a charisma and some of them are treated as VIP’s, because they are brought on the edge of success their talents, but very often have a bad character and a weak personality, as vicious. It isn’t the case.

maria cfernandez cornetto

It is intriguing to view a movie about 2 women : Maria,  a very  talented and very beautiful  tennis player with diva allure and a very strong will and Debbie, a lines woman with average looks , without anything visible special, but her beautiful soul, and who is surely captivated by the famous tennis player, after an unpleasant moment. It is a very beautiful love story as we see the fame, fortune, talent and beauty surrender to love.

debbie cornetto


Here’s the Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love short film :


De mult timp mi am dorit sa vad un film despre o iubire lesbi in care personajul principal sa fie o jucatoare de tenis. Sportul si atletii, in general, au ceva special, talent, carisma si unii dintre ei si ele sunt tratati ca VIP-uri, deoarece au reusit sa si dezvolte talentul si sa evolueze in asa fel incat sa ajunga pe culmile succesului, dar de cele mai multe ori au un caracter urat sau o personalitate slaba, in sensul de vicioasa. Dar acesta nu este cazul.

cornetto40love_ maria and debbie

Este intrigant sa vezi un film despre doua femei : Maria, o foarte talentata si foarte frumoasa jucatoare de tenis cu alura de diva si cu o determinare deosebita si  Debbie, un arbitru de linie cu o infatisare obisnuita, fara nimic vizibil special, inafara de frumusetea sufletului, si care este captivata de faimoasa jucatoare de tenis, dupa un eveniment nefericit. Este o foarte frumoasa poveste de dragoste, deoarece vedem cum faima, bogatia si frumusetea se predau iubirii.

debbie and maria cornetto hold hands

Aici puteti vedea filmul scurt  – Cornetto Cupidity Love Stories – 40 Love:

Love’s Harvest by Peggy J. Hering

peggy j herring love's harvest

Twilight in Burgundy cast an almost mystic spell over the chateau as they innocently slept. Morning was sure to arrive much too soon.

“Love’s harvest” it’s such a delight to read, it takes us to the beautiful French wine lands of Burgundy at the Jeton Winery and chateau and envelopes a beautiful romance between Nicole Jeton and Camille Cartier, such different characters, yet so alike at heart trying to keep up the familly name and fame through hard work at the winery and leaving herself no time, but to take care of her sick father and paying debts for her depravate brother.


“You make me feel so different,” Nicole said afterward.

“As if nothing else matters as long as I have you.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Bad?” Nicole said. “No, not at all. Just different.”

Camille raised herself up, arms outstretched on either side of Nicole’s body. “I’m in love with you,” Camille said.

Nicole was quiet, but put her arms around her neck and hugged her. Camil e took the silence to mean that Nicole, in return, was not in love with her. She accepted that easily enough, rationalizing that it was much too soon. They had only known each other a few weeks.

Peggy J. Hering takes us easily on the vaste fields of Burgundy at the beautiful Jeton estate that owns a winery for more family generations, yet with a secret to hide, where we find Nicole Jeton caring for the winery and allowing little time for herself and her desires.


I enjoyed their looks too, a blonde and a brunette together always spices things up.

 erin-and-ericas-fantasy winery wedding

I find the landscape truly amazing and the integration of the characters into it is quie without a trace, like a slow flow. Nicole’s character reveals strength of will built from the need to prove the world that the Jetons are not known only for the murder that happened a long time ago, nor for the ghost of Eva, murdered by her brother, that keeps hunting the chateau and Nicole by keeping away the dangers.

Camille Cartier is a very down to earth individual, a woman who knows her own will and desires, lives in Paris and works as an editor for a firm, she gets to know Nicole at one of her cousin’s Marguerite’s parties and finds her incredibly attractive and somwhow wants to follow her wherever she may go.


“It’s not always like this for me,” Nicole whispered. She had such emotion in her voice that Camille wasn’t sure if she would cry or not. “I feel so different with you. So different.”

She kissed Camille slowly, letting the softness of their lips arouse them both all over again.

Camille squirmed delightedly under her, holding Nicole’s face in her hands and loving those blue eyes that seemed to come to life so easily.


Afterward, Nicole held her and they drifted to sleep, entwined in each other’s arms.

Camille snuggled and nuzzled into the soft curve of her neck and shoulder, feeling safe and wanted. They didn’t stir for hours.


Nicole needs to fight with the ghosts of her past, present and future as she want Cammile and seduces her, somehow everything comes without warning at an unnapropriate moment in her life as her father is dying, the winery can be lost because of her brother, who wants to take all the family money for himself and with his new lover to go and create a new winery in California, yet somehow Nicole got used to her brother’s habbits to disappear for few years to spend money and then return and ask for more in the name of the first male born.

Antoine is Nicole’s best friend and cellar master of the Jeton winery and Lalo’s (Nicole’s brother) former lover remained at the chateau and winery to help out and somehow integrate and find a familly in Nicole.

ped-old-zin winery


Nicole is stubborn and unselfish and only thinks of the family’s well care, yet her true love seems to be slipping through her fingers, because she somehow doesn’t want to involve Cammile in her familly’s mess. Yet, Cammile knows she’s in love with Nicole from their very first night together and Nicole also knows from Cammile’s very first touch that her touch means love and wanting and Cammile is ready to help Nicole in whatever case is necessary. The  two women have their upp’s and down’s while Antoine helps them to get together and solve things out.


“Camille,” came that wonderful voice that could make her weak all over. It was Nicole, sounding small and upset. “Forgive me for interrupting your party, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Camille felt the warmth rush through her as the words registered quickly. She sank even farther into the fur, oblivious to its effect on her allergies. “Nicole,” she said.

“I just wanted to hear your voice again. Have I made a terrible mess of things? Don’t answer,” Nicole said quickly. “I know I have.”

Thoughts of the gypsy came to Camille, and the insistent warning of prevailing evil surrounding them made her snap to attention.

“You’re in danger, Nicole. I know it. I can feel it.” She didn’t have the nerve to say a gypsy had told her so.

“Danger? Don’t be silly. Everything is fine here. That woman in your apartment earlier,” Nicole said sheepishly, “who was she?”

Camille listened closely, but didn’t quite connect with the question for a moment. She was still in shock at hearing from Nicole again so soon. Camille smiled as she remembered. Nicole’s confession of being so possessive.

Could she be jealous? Camille mused. How wonderfully juvenile. “That was Monique.” The words my sister would not pass through her lips. Not yet anyway. Nicole had to make the next move. “Monique and I came to the party together.”

“I see,” Nicole said crisply. “How long have you known her?”

“All my life. We’re very close.” It was not like Camille to play these adolescent games, but she felt as though Nicole had brought it all on herself. As she stood there among the various assortment of raincoats and furs, the word evil again stayed fresh in her mind, amplifying itself as she touched the door. Nicole was in danger. Evil could mean so many things. It could even be Eva, she thought suddenly. Aren’t ghosts and spirits evil?

“How is Eva?” Camille asked urgently.

“Eva is fine. It’s quiet here now. She’s restless when Lalo is around, so he stays at the

winery with his new friend.”

french winery ghost

Maybe Lalo was the evil the gypsy had referred to, Camille reasoned. She claimed to have seen a tall, handsome man in the crystal ball. Camille rolled her eyes. Am I really believing this? she wondered, but somehow it just seemed silly to take chances.

“You’re in danger, Nicole. I’ll be out of town tomorrow, but I’l call you. Please be careful.”

“Where are you going?” Nicole demanded. “Camil e,” she said desperately, “please. Who is this Monique person? Are you going away with her?”

Camille felt lightheaded as she listened. The desperation in Nicole’s voice registered

plainly and gave her hope.

In the end, I enjoyed that what happened between Eva and her brother Phillipe has been repeated trhough the generations as inherited by Nicole and Lalo, when he tried to strangle his sister because he couldn’t overcame her talent for wine nor for her strength to keep up the familly name.


“Eva comes to me often,” she whispered. “She’s there in the chateau, walking the halls at night. She was there when I showed you my grandfather’s portrait.”

Camille trembled in her arms, and Nicole pulled a blanket up over them.

“She likes you. Don’t be afraid.” Nicole tightened her arms around her. “After my grandfather strangled her, he was never the same. It haunted him the rest of his life and he never quite recovered from it.”

“Did you ever hear an explanation about why he killed her?”

“Several. The most commonly discussed has been

jealousy,” Nicole said. “Philippe was jealous of Eva’s ability to run things without him. He would disappear for weeks at a time. No one knew where he was. There were rumors of a mistress and then rumors of foreign exports, but he never confirmed anything. Eva took care of the family business whenever he was gone. There was no one else able to do those things then. Their parents were old, and there were other children who were much younger.” Nicole’s voice was soft but steady. “One night Philippe returned after having been gone for a month. He rode up on his horse and stormed the stairs of the chateau to the second floor. He and Eva had a terrible quarrel. When the servants found them Philippe still had his hands clamped around her throat. She was dead.”

Camille buried herself deeper into Nicole’s arms. “What happened to him? Did he go to jail?”

“Nothing happened to him. The family kept it a secret for years. With enough money you can buy silence.” Nicole kissed the top of Camille’s head again and rubbed her cheek against her hair. “Lalo, my brother, always wanted to be like him,” Nicole continued softly.

“He’s wanted that more than anything. When he was younger Lalo would stare at the portrait for hours. He combed his hair the same way. Often wore similar clothes. He was so proud of the resemblance between them. He sees Philippe as this masculine hero who built the family fortune from nothing. My grandfather grieved for his sister for many years.

They apparently had been very close when they were younger. Philippe finally married and became the man my father idolized and talked about. The Philippe Jeton the villageremembers wasn’t a murderer. He was a hero. And that’s the man Lalo wants to be like.

The hero.” Nicole hugged her again and laughed. “But Eva’s spirit never let any of us forget what really happened that night. Lalo has trouble accepting Eva’s place in our family’s history. I always remind him that there would be no Jeton Vineyards if Eva hadn’t kept things going when Philippe would disappear for weeks at a time. My father eventually came to realize that I was right. Eva belongs there in the chateau as much as any of us do. Even now.”

Două călugărițe au renunțat la jurăminte și s-au hotarât să se căsătorească în Italia

Portrait of two attractive young nuns praying

Ambele femei aparțineau ordinului franciscan și s-au întâlnit într-un pelerinaj. Dupa ce au renunțat la jurăminte  au căutat  să deschidă ochii asupra situației comunității LGBT din țară. Italia, țară majoritară catolică, în acest an a legalizat căsătoria între persoane de același sex.


Două foste călugărițe, o italiancă și o latino-americană, s-au căsătorit în orașul Pinerolo în Italia, potrivit ziarului italian La Stampa. Primarul, Luca Salvari, responsabil pentru oficializarea legăturii dintre cele două,  a hotărît ca oficializarea să aibă loc cu o zi în avans, pentru a evita posibili curioși.

Ambele femei aparțineau ordinului franciscan, și s-au întâlnit un pelerinaj, conform ziarului din Torino. Dupa ce au renunțat la jurăminte au căutat să aducă o schimbare în opinia multor credincioși. “Ne-am dori ca”, a spus una dintre ele, fiind citata de publicația torineză.


Aparent, nunta a fost planificată într-un un ton religios, prezidată fiind de fostul preot Franco Barbero excomunicat de Vatican în 2003, pentru apropierea sa față de comunitatea gay. “Nu este primul caz în care căsătoresc două călugărițe”, a spus el, să clarifice că încă se simte “un preot din cap până în picioare.”


Italia, o țară predominant catolică, a legalizat căsătoriile între homosexuali în acest an, și este pentru mulți critici la coada Uniunii Europene cu privire la aspectele de egalitate.


Vezi mai multe:

Deasemenea, urmareste, Dupa Dealuri, un film extraordinar de Cristian Mungiu.

Beautiful strangers by Ellen Dean


 I have_been completely seduced by this woman, in every sense of the word.

In a heartbeat, Lou caught her, pulling her in as if her life depended on it. She had known their bodies would be a perfect fit and surrendered to the moment.It was sheer joy to hold Beth close. With her arms around Beth’s waist, she held her even tighter whispering, ‘I’ve got you. I wouldn’t throw you into the arms of another woman.’


I read a very good synopsis of this novel and the plot seemed and proved to be pretty good, yet the characters have truly disappointed me.

The choice of names and the jobs of the characters were promising a dramatic romance, then the conspiracy between the dangerous character, the police, her group and our heroin was somehow destroyed by the imbalance of the characters and the happening of the facts.

The main character, Beth – Elizabeth McConnell, Surgeon is having the position of General Surgeon with Mr. George Dickinson’s team in Newcastle that had fallen into her lap, as had the perfect two bedroom apartment an estate agent friend found for her.

The way she’s physically described leaves you in awe :

Most women_would die for a body like hers. As can be the way with natural beauty, she was unaware of the fact that most people regarded her as drop dead gorgeous, but sometimes_a bit more confidence in that department   wouldn’t have gone amiss.Not only beautiful on the outside, she was beautiful on the_inside too. Naturally caring and sympathetic. Many regarded her as docile and pliable, but in reality she had a determined character, and a strong will.

She also has a special gift, her visions :

„Pushing through the hospital doors she crossed her fingers in the hope that her psychic visions would leave her alone. In their strongest intensity they were capable of rendering her both speechless and useless. They had haunted her since_childhood, just like her precognitive dreams had. The last thing she wantedwas to cut into_a patient only to have their life history flash through her mind. She must remember to surround herself with a protective force field beforetouching her patients as one-to-one contact could be a trigger if she was caught unawares. Since the death of her father the stress made her more susceptible topicking up other peoples energies.

She never spoke about them. She had only ever shared her experiences with two other people. Her great-aunt, also psychic, and a very old friend, ValTaylor, who had been on her mind recently. Val had unsuccessfully tried to persuade her to explore and use her gift. No chance of that. People would thinkshe was crazy. A century ago women were burned at the stake for less.


The most important thing that happens to Beth is that she meets Hyacinth Dickinson, George’s wife. H. As she’s nicknamed by friends is supposed to be the strongest character, the most passionate and the most dangerous as the plot surrounds her and obeys towards her. She is also a doctor, but she doesn’t practice anymore and she just lives in luxury and has various affairs with women and a strange group around her. She has a gift too, she can read people’s minds and wants Beth for her group, then for herself, then again for her group and some amusement.


„Her long, sleek, brunette hair elegantly swept up into a stylish knot enhanced Beth’s sparkling brown eyes and fine chiselled_features. Her pristine white coat glowed in the lamplight. Fashion conscious to the end, under the white coat she wore a cream cheesecloth top over a long denim skirt, and neat designer shoes. Light makeup, and diamond studs in her ears completed her ensemble. She believed it was important to look good for the patients.

She glanced back into the mirror to adjust her collar: a faint image of a blonde woman stood behind her. It was just the briefest glimpse and then she was gone, but it was enough for Beth to see that the woman was offering her a necklace.

Beth shivered as if someone had poured icy water over her. Oh no, not again. I don’t believe this. ‘Leave me alone,’ she shouted. ‘I don’t want any psychic interruptions today.’ 

„Sadly, it was all down to her father’s fatal heart attack. Unsurprisingly, Isabel, her grief-stricken mother, had completely gone to pieces, as had her younger sister, Catherine, who totally shunned the support of her husband, and sank into depression. All turned to Beth for her comfort and strength of character,which made her feel duty bound to put her surgical career on hold and return home to support them, and run the family estate. Property, stock, tenants, and such could not look after themselves”


I haven’t managed to understand Beth’s decisions nor indecisions as she always behaves against or for the winds of Hyacinth.

“Up in her bedroom her mood was no sweeter. Her fortieth birthday was looming. She refused to acknowledge it, flatly and icily rejecting George’s feeble offer of a celebration. As far as she was concerned there was nothing to celebrate.

She stripped off. Standing naked in front of the full-length mirror she examined herself critically from all angles. She knew she had a stunning body. No sign_of cellulite. Virtually no stretch marks from the birth of her children. Her blue eyes flashed back at her. She didn’t feel forty. Finally satisfied she didn’t look it,she studied her natural blonde pubic hair, letting the fingers of both hands slip into the curls. She could turn herself on in an instant. And she had time. Her left hand moved to fondle her breast, squeezing the nipple as the fingers of her other hand probed a little deeper into her warm, slick opening

Beth hides from her attraction to Hyacinth to whom everyone else is attracted to and she’s just irresistible and none can refuse her. Beth understands her gift, but she’s afraid of it.  And the turning point is when she meets Lou Scott in London on a train with Hyacinth and she’s fascinated by her. We continue to see H. Chasing Beth for various reasons and in different ways, Beth and Lou don’t get in touch, although their attraction is glorious. Beth gets caught into H.’s  Infamous group and diamond rush although she’s warned by her police friend Lindsay to stay away from H.

Beth’s crush on H

„Despite her decision to block Hyacinth out, it was impossible. Every time Beth thought about her, she felt excited, butterflies in her stomach, the whole thing. She just had to be with her, like a teenager with a crush. She was so smitten she couldn’t eat.”

H’s goals

‘You know darling, we have such a lot in common . . . my friends are going to love you.’ H deliberately stopped the conversation there. She wanted Beth to concentrate on what she’d said about her beautiful friends. She knew she was rushing things, but couldn’t help it and discovering Beth’s love of diamonds was a wonderful unexpected bonus. She hadn’t planned to tell Beth anything like she had today, but had been unable to stop herself as she’d described some of her coven’s rituals, picturing Beth in the leading role. Another bonus would be to get her into bed with Petra. That would be some threesome. She was currently enjoying pitting her wits against the feisty Swede, confident she would get her way in the end. She never failed to.”

Shower scene : Beth & H

„Working up a rich lather with some beautifully scented soap, she almost slipped when the shower door opened and Hyacinth stepped in behind her, naked.

‘You’re full of surprises, aren’t you? Do you make a habit of sneaking up behind people?’ Beth snapped. Terrified, but wildly excited, she stood rigid not knowing what to do.

Hyacinth didn’t answer. Instead she kissed the nape of Beth’s neck and started sliding her fingers up and down Beth’s thighs as the warm water cascaded over them. Putting her arm around Beth’s waist she turned Beth to face her; so close their nipples touched.

Beth felt ready to explode. Dizzy with fearful ecstasy, yet despite the hot water she was covered in goose pimples”

At one point , finally, she and Lou meet, get to know each other quickly and share the bed just as quickly, yet Beth seems always to return to H. They have a mental fight as H. Can read her thoughts and knows about Beth’s visions. H. drugs Beth and seems to involve her in her group through a ceremonial orgy. Lindsay warns Beth again that H. Is involved in the diamond stealing business group : The Ametyst and that she’s dangerous, yet Beth just sticks with H. who seems to have a certain power upon her, even at the moment when Lou can get hurt by H. Who placed stolen diamonds into Lou’s and Beth’s bags. The plot is complex, yet proves very simple and those up’s and down’s are getting boring in certain moments, as it’s obvious it’s prolongued.


Beth and Lou adjourned

Beth nodded, not taking in what she was saying, just enjoying the sound of her voice, and the joy of being able to look at her again. Small quivers of excitement flickered in her stomach, growing in intensity. The room, although extremely spacious, felt hot and airless, the whole scenario surreal. Feeling she was in a situation that seemed right and natural; she couldn’t wait to jump in with both feet. Am I losing my mind, or am I looking at my soul mate?

Lou moved around the table to stand in front of Beth. ‘You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.’

‘Thank you.’

The energy crackled between them.

Beth breathed in Lou’s presence. Her pounding heart almost exploded when Lou leaned forward; soft lips kissed her forehead, then her eyes, the tip of hernose. My lips! Kiss my lips! She squirmed in anticipation as Lou trailed kisses along her jawline, her tongue flickered against Beth’s earlobe. Please kiss mylips! As if in answer Lou lightly kissed her lips before parting them; Beth greedily accepted the unfamiliar tongue exploring hers. She was so highly charged, itfelt like bolts of lighting were shooting through her. Instinctively her arms wrapped around Lou, gripped her buttocks and pulled her in close. She wanted thiswoman.

She allowed Lou to lead her into the bedroom, help her onto the four poster bed and surround her with pillows.

‘Watch and enjoy.’ Lou stood before her at the bottom of the bed. She pulled the comb from her hair, releasing a shimmering blonde curtain, then started tosway in time to the now earthy beat of the music.

Beth was spellbound; awash with desire.

Lou’s erotic, rhythmic dancing mesmerised her. Turning her on even more. She watched as Lou stroked her own body, sliding one hand up her thigh to raiseher skirt showing the lacy pattern around her stocking top. The other tweaked her nipple. She licked her lips seductively, as if aware of the throbbing anguishoccurring between Beth’s legs. How I’d love that tongue between my legs.

Beth moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and beckoned Lou to her. ‘I want to undress you.’

She unhooked Lou’s skirt and it dropped to the floor revealing shapely legs encased in silk stockings. Beth’s shaking hands fumbled with Lou’s shirtbuttons.

‘Relax, lovely. Gently does it. I’m not going to bite you . . . not yet anyway.’

Beth slipped the shirt over Lou’s shoulders. It floated to the floor revealing her perfect, barely-covered body. Beth’s eyes were drawn to the dampnesscoming through the thin material of Lou’s panties.

‘You’re overdressed, Beth. Let me make you more comfortable.’

Beth groaned out loud as Lou settled astride her, blonde pubic hair greeting black. Her nipples tightened under Lou’s touch awaking Beth’s direct line toher clitoris. Am I dreaming? she thought, as Lou’s fingers travelled down to her navel, circling, her body shivered, she wanted Lou’s fingers inside her. Shegroaned again, her rigid nipples straining to meet Lou’s lips.

Lou, still licking, teasing, stroked Beth’s body, exploring, caressing, discovering erogenous zones Beth didn’t know she had.

Beth mirrored Lou’s actions. They kissed for a while then continued exploring each others bodies. Each wanting to pleasure the other.

I can smell Lou’s arousal. Beth relaxed, giving Lou an open invitation.


Beth feels guilty about the orgy that never happend and her night spent with H. Which gave her no pleasure, she actually just faked an orgasm and stood close to H. Because she was blackmailed by her for the diamonds in Lou’s bag.

H wants Beth, Beth fakes orgasm

„‘Hyacinth, I don’t . . . ‘Beth faltered. ‘I don’t know about . . .’

‘I know. I know. You’re not sure about making love with another woman.’ H’s hand moved lower, playing with Beth’s pubic curls. ‘I’m so glad you don’t shave darling.’

Beth wanted to vomit.

‘Don’t worry my precious. I am an excellent teacher. I can take you to heights you never imagined.’

No, you can’t. I’ve already been there. Beth grabbed H’s hands. ‘I can’t do this. I‘m sorry.’

‘It’s only nerves, my little lesbian virgin. Close your eyes — let me lead the way.’ H cooed, her hands breaking free to fondle Beth’s already sore clitoris.

Beth winced. ‘You’re not listening.’

H put Beth’s little outburst down to shyness. Certain she was doing the right thing she climbed into the bath behind her, sinking gracefully into the warmscented water. Immediately she started to push her pelvis into Beth’s lower back. No re-action. What was wrong with the girl? She wasn’t responding at all.And what was worse, she couldn’t get into her mind. Beth seemed to be blocking all access. Physical and telepathic.

Beth almost screamed in frustration. This wasn’t right. She wanted this over with. But realized that there was only one way out, and that was via orgasm. Her orgasm.

‘I know how awkward first times can be, darling.’ H pulled on one of the hotel’s thick white robes. ‘Next time will be better. I promise.’ She ignored Beth’s lack of enthusiasm.

It hadn’t been awkward with Lou. Everything had been perfect.

‘Hurry up. Come to bed. If you’re a good girl, we can do it again.’ H said confidently.

I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.”

Beth told Lindsay afterall about H.’s reasons and what she knows and what she has envisioned, mainly  the way H. murdered an individual by letting him drown inside his car in the harbor.


The Amethyst group revealed

“‘Constance arrived. She didn’t see us. We stayed out of sight.’ Beth wound a long strand of her dark hair around her finger. ‘They are planning to initiate me, probably something to do with their witchcraft.’ Beth thought for a moment. ‘That’s twice I’ve heard that said.’

‘Witchcraft, eh? What book are you reading now Beth? Talk about an overactive imagination.’ Lindsay played it down, but was pleased to learn that Constance had been there.

‘Lindsay!’ Beth lifted the hot kettle, poured the boiling water into a brown earthenware teapot and left it to brew on top of the Aga.

‘Let’s get back on track. Penny Corday,’ Lindsay said sternly, ‘is known to Interpol.’

‘Really?’ Beth nearly dropped the kettle.

‘You have to promise me that this conversation stays between us, no matter what. Promise?’

‘Promise.’ Beth sat down heavily, facing the window so that she could watch for Lou coming in from the stables.

‘Penny was the only survivor of a boating accident engineered by an Italian group known as The Syndicate.’ Another pause on the line. Knowing her friend, Beth could imagine the ubiquitous cigarette being lit and inhaled. ‘Penny should not have been on that boat. The Syndicate didn’t know she was on board, but they probably wouldn’t have cared one way or the other.’ Another pause; probably another pull on the cigarette. ‘Unfortunately this brought Penny to their attention. She was only on board because she’d managed to wangle a lift.’

‘Are you saying that this Syndicate caused the accident?’

‘Yes. The boat blew up. It was a miracle Penny survived.’

‘But why? This sounds all very Al Capone.’

‘You’re not kidding. Apparently Penny’s friends were smuggling diamonds, and The Syndicate didn’t like it. Penny has always insisted that she has no memory of the incident.’

‘If all of this happened years ago, why are you telling me about it now?’ Beth dunked a plain biscuit into her tea, half of it broke off and dropped in. ‘Oh shit!’

‘What? Is that Lou coming back?’

‘No. I’ve just dunked a biscuit in my tea and half of it broke off.’


‘Sorry. Go on.’ Beth tried to scoop bits of biscuit out of her tea with a spoon.

‘LISTEN! I’m working on an operation that involves a world-wide diamond smuggling ring in which that very Syndicate are heavily involved.’ Lindsay aggravation was palpable. No doubt she was raking her hand through her hair. ‘They want supremacy and are stamping out anyone they see as a threat. The Amethyst Group come into this category.’

‘The Amethyst Group?’

‘It’s Hyacinth’s group.’ Lindsay paused. ‘Hyacinth Dickinson is a diamond smuggler, Beth.’ Another pause before she said. ‘Did you already know that?’”

“Penny sensed danger in Serena who had pursued her relentlessly, expertly manipulating her way into Penny’s bed and into the group. Penny couldn’t remember agreeing to bring Serena here tonight, yet here she was. She’s no different from the rest of us, she thought, watching Serena hang onto H’s every word. We’re all Hyacinth’s slaves or pleasure puppets, depending on how you looked at it.

Of course, in the end,one of H.’s complices gets arrested and that’s the begining of her fall, Beth and Lou live happily ever after, yet H. promises revenge to traitors and one last vision for Beth proves that H. hasn’t gave her up yet, wherever she would be.


H’s lessons

“Every night for two weeks she returned to the flat to practice telepathy with Hyacinth. Her success was phenomenal. She never failed to access H’s mind, and began to relish their mind games. Nor did she feel alone. It was as if H was physically with her. She would be back soon.

Tonight was different. She’d tried for hours to make contact, without success. She was weary, but tried again. Nothing. You told me you wouldn’t block me. What is going on that you don’t want me to know about?

Several times the following day Beth tried to catch H out by attempting to scan her mind, but she couldn’t get on to H’s frequency. Now she was worried. Was H in trouble? Surely not. She’s invincible. It’ll be this Penny business; or is this my second lesson?”

H’s reason for always = Beth

‘Shut up and listen. Lou’s provisionally booked a ticket for you to fly out to LA in a couple of days. And you, lady, are going.’

Briefly Beth’s heart sang. Lou still loved her but, what about the grotto?

‘Lindsay, don’t. How can I go now? You know what she did to me with Vanessa, and I gave her my heart, completely.’

‘She loves you. She was set up.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I’ve found Vanessa and I’ve spoken to her. She was under orders,’ Lindsay paused. ‘H controls her. I told you that woman has more contacts than youcould begin to imagine.’

‘But why? Does Lou know?’

‘It’s you. It’s always been you. Hyacinth will go to the ends of the earth to get you. And no, Lou doesn’t know the real reason and we need to keep it that way.’

Hyacinth felt ill. Drained. Her head was pounding as if millions of hammers were thrashing her brain. Beth, why are you doing this to me?

I was disappointed by the chaotic plot and the predictable turns of the characters and their indecisions, I truly expected more from this novel, yet that’s what I got and I can say I liked the first chapters of the book as they were promising a smart plot. I expected more from Beth’s character and far more from H. who was a thief and a murderer, but she showed nothing of their most obvious shades of character. The ones I liked, how they were built and evolved in the plot, were Lou Scott and Penny Corday, H’s complice.


Iluzia ursuleţului de pluş

Se poate să nu ştim că există până când nu îi vedem rezultatul.

„În relaţiile de cuplu, oamenii care încearcă să îşi controleze partenerul au creat persoana închipuită despre care cred că este partenerul lor. Să analizăm felul în care cel care se preface creează persoana închipuită, o vede şi interacţionează cu ea. Dacă înţelegem ce se petrece atunci când cineva îl inventează pe celălalt în cadrul unei relaţii personale, vom putea să ne protejăm mai bine de încercările oricui de a ne controla şi vom înţelege mai bine ce înseamnă controlul, chiar şi atunci când presupune grupuri mari de oameni.


Următoarea piesă de teatru, „Iluzia ursuleţului de pluş”, ne arată cum începe cineva să inventeze o persoană închipuită şi ce se întâmplă în relaţii atunci când o face. Ursuleţul începe ca un prieten închipuit, un ursuleţ imaginar şi mai târziu devine personajul principal.


Un ursuleţ de pluş imaginar oferă cel mai bun exemplu despre felul în care cel care se preface creează şi ancorează în cineva o persoană închipuită şi arată cât de diferită este o persoană închipuită de una autentică. Ursuleţul de pluş este neanimat, adică este tăcut şi complet supus. Acest lucru reprezintă felul în care se aşteaptă cel care se preface să fie persoana autentică, începând din copilărie, cel care se preface creează inconştient persoana închipuită aşa cum un copil creează un prieten imaginar sub forma unui ursuleţ de pluş şi, aşa cum un copil îşi atribuie fiecare gând şi mişcare ursuleţului de pluş punându-l„să facă” şi să spună ce vrea el, cel care se preface încearcă inconştient să facă acelaşi lucru. Doar că acesta îşi leagă persoana închipuită de una autentică!

Ursuleţul de pluş imaginar, ca şi unul real, nu pleacă, este oricât de plăcut vrei şi poate fi băiat sau fată, copil ori adult sau poate fi chiar desfăcut în mai mulţi oameni imaginari, în cea mai fragedă copilărie a celui care se preface, ursuleţul de pluş (persoana închipuită) se poate să fi apărut ca un părinte imaginar care îi satisface toate nevoile şi, mai târziu, a personificat un partener perfect.

în următorul scenariu, ursuleţul de pluş devine o persoană închipuită – un partener imaginar pe care cel care se preface îl fixează într-o persoană reală şi pe care îl vede în locul acelei persoane.

Iluzia ursuleţului de pluş

Te invit să te relaxezi şi să îţi imaginezi, daca vrei, că atunci când erai foarte mic ai avut un ursuleţ de pluş imaginar. Şi te jucai cu el în acelaşi fel în care o fac copiii cu unul real.

Ca şi cum te-ai juca cu păpuşile, imaginează-ţi că joci rolurile micuţului ursuleţ de pluş şi al prietenului său, aşa cum ar face un copil. Glasul copilului este subţire şi chiar mai copilăros atunci când vorbeşte cu ursuleţul. „Bună, ursuleţule. Acum stai aici, mă întorc imediat. Bine?” „Bine”, spune ursuleţul cu aceeaşi voce subţire.

Cu această imagine în minte, te rog să vizualizezi că ai cu tine propriul ursuleţ de pluş imaginar şi că vorbeşti .cu el şi răspunzi în locul lui cu aceeaşi voce copilăroasă.

Cu cât eşti mai capabil să te plasezi în lumea imaginară a copilului care se joacă de-a „hai să ne prefacem”, cu atât mai eficient va fi acest scenariu în dezvăluirea felului în care unii oameni creează o extensie care, asemeni unui tentacul, se întinde de la o persoană şi intră în alta.


Eşti gata?


– Hei, îi spui tu ursuleţului de pluş, vin un pic mai încolo.

– Bine, pa, zice ursuleţul cu glas subţire.

– Salut, m-am întors.

– Oh! Salut, aici sunt, spune ursuleţul.

Îl ţii în braţe pe ursuleţ în timp ce te uiţi la desene animate la televizor.

A doua zi, îţi iei la revedere de la ursuleţ şi ieşi pe uşă.

Ursuleţul îşi ia şi el la revedere de la tine. Zilele trec în mod asemănător. Uneori, îi arăţi ursuleţului diferite lucruri.

– Uite ce am făcut astăzi.

– Oh! Eşti foarte deştept! zice ursuleţul.

Ii spui ursuleţului tot felul de lucruri şi el ştie ce să răspundă.

Uneori, îl laşi pe ursuleţ să stea singur. Dar este în regulă. Ursuleţul este tot timpul alături de tine. Uneori îl iei în braţe şi îl strângi tare. Eşti fericit că îl ai pe ursuleţ, pentru că se pare că nimănui altcuiva nu îi pasă de tine.

În cea mai mare parte a timpului, îi spui ursuleţului „Pa” când pleci şi el îţi răspunde întotdeauna.

Ursuleţul te apreciază mereu, întotdeauna îţi mulţumeşte când îi dai câte o bombonică sau alte dulciuri.

E atât de frumos să îl ai pe ursuleţ pe lângă tine. Visezi la el şi, într-un anumit fel, parcă este viu.

Timpul trece.

– Bună, ursuleţule, spui tu.

– Bună, zice el.

– Pa, îi spui tu când pleci.

– Pa, îţi zice el.

Visezi şi mai mult la el, iar ursuleţul devine tot mai real pentru tine.

Apoi, într-o zi, ursuleţul tău de vis este mai mult decât o închipuire.

–      Vrei nişte cafea? te întreabă el.


Acum ursuleţul se mişcă, dar dacă priveşti în urmă, este greu să îţi aminteşti cum s-a ajuns în această situaţie. Oricum, este minunat. Nu ai putea fi mai fericit. Ursuleţul rezolvă lucrurile, este de acord cu tine, desigur, şi se gândeşte la lucruri pe care să le facă pentru tine, chiar înainte să îl rogi. Bineînţeles că îl iubeşti pe ursuleţ.

Vii şi pleci ca de obicei.

– Mă întorc mai târziu, spui tu.

– Bine, pa, zice ursuleţul cu binecunoscuta lui voce subţire.

– Salut, m-am întors.

– Salut, spune ursuleţul.

Timpul trece, iar viaţa continuă cam în acelaşi fel. Ursuleţul vine şi pleacă, aduce bani pe care îi poţi folosi şi este întotdeauna acasă când ajungi tu. Uneori, ursuleţul vorbeşte despre diferite lucruri, dar nu are nici o legătură cu tine, aşa că dai din cap din când în când. Uneori, îi povesteşti ursuleţului câte ceva din ce ai făcut la serviciu, iar el îţi spune lucruri de genul: „Oh, minunat. Eşti foarte deştept”.

Ştii că ursuleţul vrea ce vrei şi tu.

În fiecare dimineaţă, ca de obicei, tu zici:

–      Pa, mă întorc mai târziu.
Iar ursuleţul răspunde:

–      Bine, pa.

Zilele se scurg mai departe cam în acelaşi fel, iar tu te simţi bine.

Pe măsură ce trece timpul, din când în când ur­suleţul spune ceva ce sună ciudat de diferit, aşa că nici măcar nu dai din cap. E doar un zgomot. Nu are nici o legătură cu lucrurile la care te gândeşti tu.

Apoi, într-o dimineaţă, spui:


Şi, cu o voce normală – una pe care nu ai mai auzit-o până atunci – ursuleţul zice:

–      Când te întorci?

Eşti uluit! Dintr-odată, lumea ta se întoarce pe dos. Nu s-a mai întâmplat niciodată ceva asemănător cu această experienţă zguduitoare.

Ursuleţul pe care îl ştiai dintotdeauna a dispărut! O parte din mintea ta vrea să ţipe. Ce s-a întâmplat cu ursuleţul meu? Niciodată nu s-a purtat aşa! Ursu­leţul e atât de diferit! Dintr-odată a devenit atât de independent! Te simţi aproape anihilat. Atât de singur. Atât de şocat. Parcă ursuleţul s-ar fi întors împotriva ta.

–      Ce e aia „Când te întorci?”, spui tu scrâşnind din dinţi, furios, simţindu-te atacat.

Parcă totul se destramă. Totul din cauza ursuleţului. Cum a putut să facă aşa ceva? Eşti cuprins de mânie.

–      De ce naiba mă iei la întrebări? Nu faci altceva decât să îmi pui întrebări! spui tu.

Scos din fire, abia mai eşti în stare să judeci limpede.

Cu o voce subţirică, ursuleţul zice:

–      Nu vroiam să ştiu decât dacă am timp să rămân la o întâlnire şi să mai iau cina cu tine sau dacă ajungi mai devreme acasă.

Dintr-odată, auzi din nou vocea subţire a ursu­leţului. Sună cunoscut.

– Păi, de ce nu ai spus aşa? La naiba!

– Dar nu vroiam decât să ştiu când ajungi acasă, zice ursuleţul.

–      Vrei să încetezi? Tot timpul încerci să ai tu dreptate, spui tu când ieşi pe uşă.

Ocupat toată ziua, te îndrepţi spre casă în acea seară vrând doar să te relaxezi şi să îl ţii în braţe pe ursuleţ.

Intri ca de obicei.

– Bună, ursuleţule!

– Oh, salut, spune el cu o voce diferită.

– Ce naiba ai? zici tu, obosit, exasperat şi speriat deoarece ursuleţul are un glas diferit. Nu seamănă deloc cu cel cu care eşti obişnuit.

– Păi, spune el îndurerat, mă simt cam trist. Te-am supărat cu ceva?

– Nu ştiu de unde îţi vin ideile astea! Cu cine ai stat de vorbă?

– Nu vreau să ştiu decât de ce te-ai înfuriat, spune ursuleţul.

Simţi un val de furie şi mai mare.

–      Nu m-am înfuriat! Ţi-am zis! Acum vrei să încetezi? Nu te opreşti niciodată. M-am săturat de întrebările tale, spui tu.

Ursuleţul tace.

Totul revine la normal.

– Pa, ursuleţule, rosteşti tu a doua zi.

– Pa, zice ursuleţul cu glas subţire.
Totul e în regulă, te gândeşti.

–      Salut, ursuleţule, spui când te întorci în acea seară.

Nu te întâmpină nimeni. Te uiţi în jur. Iată-1 pe ursuleţ stând în dormitor.

– Ce ai mai păţit acum? întrebi tu.

– Nu am păţit nimic. Doar mă gândeam, spune el.
Cred că există o problemă în relaţia noastră şi vreau să mergi împreună cu mine la un consilier pentru a discuta despre ea.

–      De  ce naiba  să  merg  la  consilier?  zici  tu dezgustat.

Apoi, furios, adaugi:

– Tu eşti cel care se poartă ciudat. Ai o problemă psihică importantă.

– Nu am, răspunde ursuleţul mânios.

– Ei, du-te singur la consilier. Tu ai nevoie de el. Uită-te şi tu cum te porţi în ultima vreme, spui tu şi ieşi din cameră.

Câteva zile mai târziu, ursuleţul se duce la consilier.

Ajungi acasă şi, când intri, spui:

– Salut.

– Vreau să te rog ceva, zice ursuleţul.

– Ei, ce mai e acum? Spune odată.

– Consilierul vrea să te rog să vii cu mine, zice ursuleţul   părând   foarte   calm   şi   privind   drept înainte.

– Ce consilier?

– Cel la care am fost pentru că mă simţeam trist şi pentru că sunt şi foarte furios. Toată chestia asta este foarte neclară, spune ursuleţul.

– De ce ar trebui să vin?

– Pentru că aşa vrea consilierul, zice ursuleţul.

– Păi, dacă asta o să te liniştească, atunci cred că nu am de ales. Când trebuie să mergem?

Ursuleţul îţi explică. Şi în ziua întâlnirii, plecaţi împreună. Speri că ursuleţul se va linişti dacă mergi o dată. Se pare că nu îl poţi mulţumi oricât de mult ai încerca. Nici măcar nu te plângi când ursuleţul nu face tot ce are de făcut. Şi asta e răsplata pentru toate eforturile tale. Tocmai când relaţia mergea mai bine, ursuleţul trebuia să găsească ceva.

La întâlnire, tu îi spui consilierului cum în ultima vreme ursuleţul s-a purtat ostil, punându-ţi întrebări, părând să se fi schimbat radical în ultimul an.

Consilierul îl roagă pe ursuleţ să încerce să înţeleagă cât de supărat ai fost şi să încerce să fie mai înţelegător, să arate mai multă afecţiune, să înceteze să îţi mai pună întrebări şi să fie asertiv.

Consilierul te roagă să fii răbdător cu ursuleţul şi recomandă un medic care să îi dea acestuia nişte antidepresive, deoarece pare deosebit de trist.

Poate că este o depresie de iarnă şi ursuleţul are nevoie de mai multă lumină solară, spune el.

Dacă asta nu ajută, consilierul cunoaşte un medic care poate spune dacă ursuleţul are nevoie de nişte hormoni.

Te simţi uşurat că există cineva care să te ajute să îl readuci pe ursuleţ la normal.

Viaţa merge înainte la fel în următoarele câteva săptămâni.

–      Bună, ursuleţule, spui tu când ajungi acasă într-o seară.

Nu primeşti nici un răspuns. Te uiţi în jur şi îl găseşti pe ursuleţ în dormitor, făcându-şi valiza.

– Ce naiba faci?

– Plec, spune ursuleţul cu o voce subţirică. Nimic nu a mers. Trebuie să plec.

– Nu pleci nicăieri, zici tu. Nu după tot ce am făcut pentru tine.

Brusc, ursuleţul închide valiza, o ia şi fuge spre uşă. Tu îl urmăreşti furios, îl înşfaci pe ursuleţ, strigând în timp ce îl trânteşti la podea.

–      M-am săturat de tine! Eşti nebun! Nici măcar un medic nu te mai poate ajuta. Dacă mai încerci odată chestia asta, te internez, spui tu.

Iţi vine să îl baţi pe ursuleţ, dar nu o faci.

În secret, auzi cum o voce interioară mică spune Nu mă mai joc cu tine. O să îmi găsesc un ursuleţ nou şi drăguţ.

Ursuleţul stă tăcut într-un colţ.

Poate că a înţeles mesajul, te gândeşti tu. Totul pare normal – ca în urmă cu câţiva ani. Ursuleţul a încetat să mai facă scene.

– Pa, ursuleţule, spui tu în ziua următoare.

– Pa, răspunde ursuleţul foarte încet.

În timp ce te îndrepţi spre casă în acea seară te întrebi de ce ursuleţul nu mai este drăguţ.

Ajungi acasă. Ursuleţul a plecat. Fără să ştii din ce motiv, simţi că s-a rupt o bucată din tine.

Această poveste este cunoscută multor oameni. Aceştia cred că este vorba chiar despre ei.

„Ursuleţul meu se bucura pentru mine. Credeam că asta însemna că gândim la fel. Ca mine. Nu mi-a trecut prin cap să îl întreb pe ursuleţ ce era în neregulă”, spunea un client.


O altă persoană, despărţită de mult de soţul ei, povestea că vorbise de curând cu acesta. El i-a zis că nu înţelegea de ce îl părăsise şi că vroia ca ea să se împace cu el. I-a spus că nu putea face asta.

Apoi mi-a povestit că atunci când îi explicase motivele, el îi spusese că ar fi trebuit să ştie că nu avea de gând să o omoare.

– Să te omoare? La ce se referea? am întrebat eu.

– Se referea la momentul în care mi-a pus cuţitul la gât. Atunci ar fi trebuit să ştiu că nu are de gând să mă omoare.

Gânditul la fel, iar!

–      E ceva mai sănătos acum, mi-a spus ea. A încetat să mă mai urmărească. Nu a trebuit decât să mă mut în partea cealaltă a oraşului pentru a scăpa de persecuţiile lui. Uită-te la oamenii care trebuie să plece din ţară pentru a scăpa de aşa ceva.

Nu este de mirare că fostul soţ credea că ea ştia la ce se gândea el. El o inventase. Erau „atât de apropiaţi”. Cum ar fi putut fi altfel?

Ca şi cum ar fi o putere a omului, o abilitate paranormală antrenată prin exerciţiu, unii oameni susţin că îţi pot încălca graniţa psihică, pot arunca o privire, după care ies şi apoi îţi pot spune ce au găsit acolo: „Problema ta e că …….., în ciuda faptului că acest lucru este imposibil.

Când oamenii sunt definiţi de cineva cu care încearcă să stabilească o legătură, se simt violaţi psihic, în cazul relaţiilor, suntem vulnerabili şi deschişi şi astfel, asemenea atacuri sunt destul de puternice.

Acest lucru este foarte diferit de situaţia în care o persoană intuitivă sau sensibilă te „citeşte” la invitaţia ta. Este problema ta să crezi sau nu ce îţi spune.

În viaţa de zi cu zi, oamenii care prezintă realitatea pe dos amestecă, de obicei, realitatea fizică. De exemplu, când cineva spune „Mă faci să “, nu doar se absolvă de orice res­ponsabilitate, dar se şi poartă de parcă o altă parte (tu) ar fi în interiorul lui şi i-ar provoca acel comportament – de parcă aşa ceva ar fi în ordinea firească a lucrurilor, fundamentat pe realitatea existenţei fizice.

Deşi nimeni nu poate intra în interiorul altei persoane pentru a o determina să facă ce vrea el sau să spună ce vrea el, unii oameni susţin că pot.

Tot aşa, o persoană care o forţează pe alta poate susţine, în felul ei pe dos, că „e nevoie de doi oameni”, de parcă „victima” l-ar fi agresat pe făptaş.

Unii oameni pot chiar susţine că schimbă trecutul şi prezentul, pretinzând că vorbele lor din prezent vor schimba trecutul. De exemplu, când o persoană acţionează cu violenţă împotriva celorlalţi, iar apoi spune că nu a tratat rău pe nimeni, aceasta inventează trecutul şi se inventează pe sine.


În acelaşi fel în care cineva inventează o persoană închipuită, acesta poate, de asemenea, inventa o lume închipuită, într-o lume închipuită, se întâmplă doar ceea ce vrei tu.


Patricia Evans
Oamenii dominatori.
Cum să le faci faţă oamenilor care încearcă să te controleze,

Lesbian Confessions – Where Love Is Illegal – Ilem from Venezuela

“My name is Ilem and when I was 13 years old the entire school found out I am lesbian because of a letter I wrote to one of the most popular girls in school, of course, the letter reached the hands of the school board. The truth is, at that time I haven’t even defined myself as a lesbian, and even when I have always liked women, as a kid I thought that was something that only happened to me in the whole world, it was a very distressing feeling and made me feel isolated and abnormal. But the students and teachers did know how to call me: “la cachapera” (it’s an offensive way to say “dyke” in Venezuela).ilem-01


Of course, the students made me their object of mockery, the boys came to me in groups to insult me during the recess, my classmates gave me nicknames and even some teachers turned a blind eye about the derogatory comments I received at the middle of class. I was very confused and scared, I felt weak and without wheeling. As the gossip runs like powder, the rest of my family, friends and neighbors found out, as well as my parents. They were even pictures of me with rude comments on internet forums. In a few months the situation in school was unsustainable, for some reason I was not getting good grades and the school board pressed for my definitive dismissal. Even when that meant to lose a whole school year, my parents rather end that situation with a clean break.


And they were right, it definitely meant a decrease of the negative things I received and and I could get closer to ideas and testimonies about homosexuality through characters like Frida Kahlo, Leonardo Da Vinci, Oscar Wilde and Walt Whitman. I read about the inquisition, about Stonewall, about roman emperors and their lovers, and from Sappho to Harvey Milk, they renovated my energy as I recognized myself as part of a much bigger fight. That helped me understand that there was nothing wrong with me and the love I could develop for other women would be perfectly normal. I understood, that even when the LGBT are usually related to negative things, it is a wonderful community that only searches for the deserving place that right belongs to them. Our actions are the ones who define us.


At first, my parents and I did not knew how to deal with this subject, it was very hard: we had long and painful conversations, but I made an effort to be sincere and explain my feelings. Little by little, they could accept me and support me. Now, they are very open and loving, they even signed for the equal marriage project, as part of a fight we are fighting in our country.



I have never hide my sexuality again, and I’ll tell you the truth, it has lead me to some problems even today, but I have received so much more love and support.

It is important to be sincere with ourselves, accepting us and recognizing our dark zones, but is also important to recognize our lightning zones and feed them, that is the reason why we want to tell you that if you are out there feeling lost, underestimated and weak, please don’t give up. If you have to stand strong to defend the equality and justice that for right belongs to you, do it, but if you have to run to put you safe, also do it; if you have to ask for help, do it, if you have to get away from insults and humiliation, please do it. Every fight we fight for our well-being and the well-being of others, will always be worth the pain. But whatever you do, don’t give up: mostly, at some point and in some way, things get better, even if it’s just a little.”



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